▶ Your Answer : Some people think that being close to a few friends is more helpful for their lives than making a friendship with many people. However, in my opinion, it is better to be a friend with a diversity of people than sharing time with just few people. This is because they can have a greater chance to improve themselves, and are able to develop their socialization skills easily by spending time with many friends. To begin with, they are more likely to learn various aspects which are beneficial to their lives by being friendly to many friends. It is evident that different people contain different advantages and competitive edges. Therefore, people can easily get more opportunities to enhance themselves in a variety of respects by building a friendship with diverse men. For example, I would like to compare my life when I was a high school student to that of my time in college. When I attended a high school, I was only friendly to some of the students with the same age, because I was not interested in making friends. Thus, there were only those who were interested in physics, which was my favorite subject at the time and is my major now, so I could not learn various attraction points of other subjects. However, when I entered a university, I determined to change my viewpoint, and started participating in diverse extracurricular activities to make friends. After that, I could hang around with many people who majored in different subjects such as chemistry, engineering, and music, thereby leading to taking a wide range of classes and being interested in diverse pastimes like singing a song. Had I tried to spending time with a number of friends, I would have acquired more chances to develop myself from long time ago. On top of that, it is easier to improve one's sociability by being close to many people. By spending time with many types of people, they can understand how to deal with the person of each type. This experience is obviously beneficial to developing social skills, which help them adapt to any weird environment. For instance, a study was conducted by the Department of Sociology in Seoul National University to determine whether the range of people with whom one got along affects the capability to make a good relationship with others. The researchers monitored two groups. The first group was formed of people who had a lot of friends and spent time with them on a regular basis. They were asked to get on with a person they did not know in a closed room. The other group consisted of those who were friendly to only a small number of people, and they were given the same direction. What the researchers found was intriguing. It did not take long time for those who were in the former group to begin to talk with the stranger. In stark contrast, people in the latter group could not make a conversation with the other even after one hour from the start of the experiment. This was because those who had not spent much time with diverse people did not have sufficient techniques to make a new relationship with others. The result of this research plainly demonstrates that sharing time with various people is extremely helpful to developing socialization skills. To sum up, they can improve themselves in a variety of aspects with ease, and are able to develop how to make a relationship with others by spending time with a large number of friends. It is clear that these two points are crucial in making a gratifying life. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is more helpful to keep in contact with a lot of friends than just being close to few people.
좋습니다. 주장 아주 clear focusing하고, 이에 대한 supporting detail도 자세하게 작성해주어서 아주 이해하기 좋았습니다. example 상황에 잘 맞게 잘 작성해주었습니다. 하지만 어휘는 좋은 편은 아닙니다. 조금 더 다양한 표현 쓸 수 있으면 좋을 것 같습니다. 마지막 conclusion이랑 introduction 도 깔끔하게 잘 작성해주었습니다. |