▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that moving to a new
city or country is not a good idea because they will lose their old friends.
However, I disagree with the following statement for a couple of reasons: it is
beneficial for people to have a lot of friends and it is possible to keep in
touch with old friends thanks to developed technology although they are far
away from each other.
To start off, it will be beneficial for
people to get a lot of friends by going to a
new city or country rather than staying in the hometown to keep old friends. In
this society, good networks are so important for people when they are working. For
example, when I was working in the company, one of my coworkers promoted in
short term even though he did not approach any tasks. On the other hand, he had
so good network that always helped him to survive in the company. That was the
CEO of our company graduated from same university with my coworker Hence, the
owner gave him the high position for nonsense reason. (여기 예시랑 주제랑 연결이 잘 안됩니다) As a result, I realized
that it is crucial to have lot of friends rather than keep old friend in order
to success in the
life. Moreover, the more friends you make the more comfortable life you get.
Nowadays, when it comes to meeting the difficulties, it is important to have
good networks. For instance, when I was in the university, I was suspected as a
fraud since my smartphone was hacked and utilized for it. However, thanks to my
friend who is in the high position of prosecution, he just released me. After
this case, I learned a lesson that having countless friends makes my life
comfortable.
Second of all, it is still easy to be
keep in touch with old friend even though they stay far away from each other.
Nowadays, the social media makes people
boost their rapport up by allowing them to keep messaging each other. For
example, I was grown grew up in the states until the age of 16 and left the
country. Nevertheless, I was able to keep in touch with my friends since there
was smartphone released at that time. Therefore, although I stayed in Korea,
I could keep contact with my old friend and got married to her.(앞 문장이랑 매치가 안됩니다. 갑자기 결혼하신건가요?) In addition,
the transportation is also developed compared to 15 years ago. Back to my high
school life, it was rare to see people around me who travel to a foreign country. IHowever, these days, I cannot see the people who travel in domestic area. n a nutshell, you will never lose
your old friend due to moving to the other places.
To sum up, I disagree with the following
statement that moving to a new city or country is not good idea because you
will lose your old friend for the following two reasons: building good networks
are beneficial than keeping old friend and it is still possible to keep in
touch with old friends even though they move to the other city or country.
우선 정리가 잘 안되는 느낌입니다. 한 paragraph에는 한 예시만 넣는게 가장 좋습니다.. 한 paragraph안에 2개, 3개 이상의 주장이 들어가는 것 같아 읽으면서 연결이 매끄럽지 않았던 거 같았습니다. 어휘는 많이 반복적이고 문장과 잘 맞지 않는 문장들이 많이 보입니다. 조금 더 표현력 높일 수 있도록 어휘 공부 더 하시면 좋을 거 같습니다 |