▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that television has a bad impact on people’s behaviors. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. First, people can build stronger relationships with their family while watching television. Second, it can relieve people’s stress.
To begin with, television can help people to build closer relationships with their family. Generally speaking, people these days are so busy because of their hectic schedule, so thus they do not have enough time to interact with their family. However, by watching television programs together at night, they can have an opportunity to talk to each other. Since they watch the same program at the same time, they can make a conversation about the contents of the program, (Need more supporting details here) which is helpful to strengthen the relationship of them. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. For months, my family was very busy with their respective matters so that it was hard to eat dinner together. However, we always gathered in front of the television at 10 PM to watch our favorite drama. Every member liked it because that not only we could not only spend the night time together, but also talked much about the story of the drama. Without television, we would not have had such a valuable time together.
On top of that, people can reduce their stress by watching television. Though many people said that television is not a major medium (Make it clear) anymore, it is still one of the most common media in the world. Accordingly, people can easily use television for their spare time to decrease stress. When watching television, they can spend pass the time without thinking too much about their worries and problems related to their work or study. For instance, when I watched the drama with my family, I could forget about many problems that came from my workplace. This was because what I had to do was just seeing the screen and accept what the drama told me. Such a simple activity always helped me to be relaxed and unwind. My other family members also agreed with my thought about watching television. My sister added that we usually spend too much time focusing on something serious, so we needed to release the tension by doing nothing special and complicated. This clearly shows that television makes people relieve some pressure in their lives.
In a nutshell, television is helpful for people to make an intimate time with their family. Furthermore, it is able to get rid of the stress of people. In this regard, I firmly think that television is beneficial for the behavior of people in many ways.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 3 | 4 | Score | Fair 17-23 |
- TV 를 밤 뿐만아니라 주말에도 본다는 점을 한 번 더 넣어주셔도 좋을 것 같아요.
- 이유는 대체적으로 간단하면서도 부정확한 그래머 사용없이 설명을 관련하여 잘 설명해주신 것으로 보입니다. - 아쉬운 점이 있다면, 고득점을 받기 위하여서는 보다 수준높은 어휘와 예제를 써보는 연습을 많이 하셔야할 것으로 보입니다.
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