■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :
In order to encourage children to study harder, parents should avoid letting them watch television. |
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▶ Your Answer :
It is of great importance for all parents to raise their children properly. Recently, a debate on whether parents should avoid letting their children watch television in order to encourage children to study harder has been done. Some people might think that letting them watch television is such a waste of time. However, I am in line with those who believe that watching television has a lot of advantages for children. Apparently, the reasons are diversified, and I would like to scrutinize some of its essentialities that are mentioned here.
First of all, there are tremendous useful and educational television programs. By and large, many parents let their children watch (let + 동사 원형입니다) these kinds of programs which as a result allows them to gain valuable information through the televisions. For instance, my child was 4 years old, and (연결어 필요합니다) I wanted him to learn various words. Therefore, I looked into the television program, and I found a useful channel which was 'Educational Broadcast Channel'. When I let my son watch this, he was interested in the words. Even, he asked me what these words mean. A few months later, he knew a lot of words and he could make a sentence with these words. Through this experience, I have learned that the television can make young people better.
On top of that, children are able to widen their perspectives, because there are so many programs which introduce other countries, cultures, foods and so on, which as a result allows people to better understand other cultures and lifestyles. As modern society is becoming globalized, today's world requires people with international views, and I think television could make this possible. For example, I had never been to other countries until when I was 20 years old. Since I was so eager to know about western cultures, I watched America dramas during that time. After a few years, I visited in the United States for study, and I met people who was saying exactly what I saw in the dramas. Thanks to this drama, I could easily assimilate with those cultures and people. This led to success in academic marks because I got a lot of advice from other people which I am trying to understand their culture and languages.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that watching television properly is beneficial for children to study harder. All things considered, it is my belief that
my argument regarding this topic has been efficiently and precisely delivered
with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may
have a huge impact on our future.
1. there are educational program
2. widen their perspectives.
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. which가 너무 많이 쓰이고 있습니다.
다양한 구조의 문장력을 보여주세요.
3. 문장이 전체적으로 굉장히 길고 늘어지는 감이 있습니다.
가독성도 떨어지고 문법 오류의 위험도 크니 컴마 사용을 서서히 줄이시면서 문장을 짧고 간결하게 유지해주세요.
긴 문장이 항상 좋은 것은 아닙니다!
수고하셨습니다. *^^*