■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : It is
better for young people to select a job in the same field as their parents than
to choose a different career for themselves. |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that it is better to select a
job in the same field as their parents. However, I strongly argue that it is
better to select a different career for themselves. There are a couple of reasons
for it: the developed technology requires other skills for the jobs and each
person (each + 단수명사 입니다.) has a different ability. To start off, it is better for youngsters to
choose their different jobs for themselves since the technology is covering
most part of it. It is obvious that the technology is developed and replacing
many human jobs such as driver, cashier, teacher and so on. Therefore, their
parents cannot advise or help with their career. For example, my son wanted to
be a teacher since I used to teach Japanese in Good Morning institute in
Daejeon seven (아라비아 숫자를 지양해주세요.) years ago. Nevertheless, I
was fired because there was a lot of internet in robot lecture has been come out.
As a result, students who are learning Japanese, they are usually using
internet for studying. Therefore, I could not (줄임말 사용을 하지 말아주세요.) make any advice to my son and
encouraged him to do that. Second of all, each person has a different
ability even if they are family. Some people say that humans are resembled to
their parents but the ability to work on something is different. For example, when
I was in the high school, my father told me to major in chemistry. However,
when I took chemistry as a major, I got an (발음이 모음이라서 an으로 씁니다) F
on the exam. As a result, I changed my major to be successful. Moreover, my
father is a scientist who is known by (올바른 전치사) many people. On the other hand, I am the best Japanese teacher in Korea which is opposite
kind of job.
To sum up, it is better to select different
career for themselves, (since는 단독으로 쓰일 수 없습니다) since the technology is developed and they have
different ability. |
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1. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
2. 첫 번재 바디 문단의 설득력이 상당히 떨어집니다.
job을 어쨌든 골라야 하는 상황인데 기술의 발전이 replacing한다고 해버리면
논점이 흐려지기 마련입니다. 조금 더 토픽에 포커스를 맞추어 주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*