▶ Your Answer :
Compared to past years, many teachers try hard to associate with students these days. I assumed that it is due to society's belief that a teacher is not just a person who teaches. Connection with students is becoming more and more important. Therefore, I agree with the statement that it is more important for teachers to connect with students than to be experts in their fields. First and foremost, the relationship between teachers and students is a very significant component in school life. As I mentioned earlier, the requirement of a teacher is not just having good teaching skills. Students have to be close to teachers since they rely on teachers in various ways. They usually ask questions of classes and assignments, or talk about college and their future too. Moreover sometimes, they show up to therapy for friendship and concerns they are going through. However, for these processes students and teachers have to be close. Teachers have to be dependable so that students can feel comforted by them. For instance, when I was in highschool, I used to have a strict but well-teaching teacher and was friendly but less good at teaching. However, I always visited the close teacher to ask questions and sometimes I talked about my problems to her. Despite the other teacher explaining things better, it was uncomfortable to see her and ask questions or talk individually. On top of that, teachers are able to make a better learning environment with better connection with students. Students are usually more active when they feel comfortable at class. And the atmosphere of class usually depends on how teachers do. Some teachers are too authoritative that lead to students feeling difficult to treat them. Students are more likely to participate lively with easy teachers. For instance, Last semester, my physics class was only tacher-oriented. She never built up any connection with students. It was so quiet during the whole class and no one ever asked questions. Even debate was silence either. All the students felt difficult for her. However, this semester I am asking more questions during my Physics classes than any other classes. Because Ms.Peirce was a very friendly and careful teacher so she has a good relationship with almost every student including me. Our class is always active. I asked her questions about my grade and classes through email or visited her during lunch period. Thus, almost everyone could improve their Physics grade because we always try to interact with the teacher. To sum up, teachers' good connection with students is required due to control of students' school year. In addition, it can improve the education system better. In this regard, I claim that teachers connecting students is more important than being an authority in the field.
두번째 main paragraph의 경우에 예시가 조금 concise하게 나오면 훨씬 좋을 것 같아요. 간단하게 정리하고 주장 설명하는 게 훨씬 좋을 것 같아요. because로 문장 시작하지 말고 because of/due to/since이렇게 쓰는 게 좋습니다 주장 자체는 괜찮은데 문장력이 조금 아쉽습니다. 어휘가 한정되어 있다보니 문장들도 어느새 약간 지루해보이는 경향이 있으니 주의해서 어휘 선정하면 좋을 듯 합니다 |