▶ Your Answer : I do not agree with the statement that art and music should be mandatory school subjects along with math, history, science, and language. There are two major reasons why I disagree that art and music should be mandatory school subjects along with math, history, science, and language.
In general, there are two types of people: the ones that are more interested in natural sciences education, and the ones that are interested in liberal arts education. People would usually major in subjects that they have an interest in, therefore, they would not always need to study subjects in the other field. For example, people that are interested in, and want to major neurology would not practically need to study art and music. Similarly, people that are interested in, and want to major in humanities would not practically need to study natural sciences. However, the case in studying compulsory subjects such as natural sciences, maths, and history is different from the argument that art and music do not need to be a compulsory subject as science and maths are used, and will benefit individuals in their everyday life. Furthermore, not knowing basic information, for example, not knowing how to do multiplication and division, and not knowing that our human body's average temperature is 36.5 degrees, it is most likely that people would access the person to be uneducated or ignorant. Going back to the argument that art and music should not be a mandatory school subject, knowledge of art and music is not used in everyone's daily lives except those people that have a major or a specific interest in these fields.
Another reason that I disagree with art and music being mandatory is because of the increased workload that students would have to face. Although it is beneficial for individuals to seek more knowledge and have more respect for other people's cultures, it is hard for students to concentrate on these subjects while studying the other compulsory subjects at the same time. It is even harder for students to learn other subjects as the compulsory subjects need time and effort to understand the concepts and knowledge into depth. Students undergo exams after learning a new concept, and with two additional subjects being added to the compulsory subjects, students will have to spend more time studying. Studying is beneficial for students to seek more knowledge to have a more professional life in the future, however, extensive hours of studying can lead to health problems as well as psychological problems. As students would have to spend more time seated, they might sometimes suffer vertebral discs or severe neck pain. Furthermore, as they have pressure in performing well on all of their exams, they would feel pressured, which leads to psychological stress as well as a decrease in the productivity of their learning.
Due to these two reasons, I disagree with the statement that art and music should be a compulsory subject along with math, science, languages, and history.
two reasons가 뭔지 conclusion에서 꼭 설명이 나와야 합니다. 이렇게만 쓰면 의미가 없는 conclusion이 되어버립니다. 주장 설명 꼭 해주세요 main paragraph가 너무 긴 편입니다. 그리고 문장들도 의미없이 이어지는 구간이 보이는데, 짧게 짧게 concise하게 적을 수 있도록 연습하면 좋을 것 같아요. 다 쓰고 읽어보면서 의미 반복되는 구간은 없는지 여러번 체크하는 게 좋습니다. 어휘가 어느정도 기볹거인 편입니다. 조금 더 범주 넓혀가면 좋을 거 같아요 특히 동의어/숙어/idiom이렇게 공부하면 도움이 조금 됩니다 |