■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree. Children should have art and music as mandatory school subjects along with math, history, science, and language. |
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▶ Your Answer :
Based on their
experiences and understanding of the world, some people might say that children
do not have to learn art and music in school. However, I personally believe
that having art and music as mandatory school subjects is very important. This
is because, learning art and music at school not only makes students to relieve
their stress but also helps them get a job more easily later.
First, learning
art and music helps students to cope with their stress. These days, most of the
students spend their time studying every day. Therefore, they get a lot of
stress. Also, since they do not have enough free time, it is hard for them to
relieve stress by doing activities such as sports. However, art and music class
in school can be beneficial for relieving stress. I know this from my personal
experience. For example, when I was in elementary school, I was very stressed
because of studying and I was not able to cope with stress. However, when I entered
middle school, there were art and music classes. After taking those classes, I
was able to relieve my stress because painting and listening to music in class
was very entertaining.
Second, taking
art and music courses in school can make students get a job more easily than
others who did not take those courses. These days, a lot of firms are fond of
students who not only got good grades but also have artistic sense. This is
because, people who have artistic sense tend to be more cooperative than who does
not. According to Harvard University Research Center, people who learned music
and art at school had much higher artistic sense than who did not. Moreover,
they found out that the more people have artistic sense, the more they are
likely to have cooperative personalities. Therefore, learning art and music at
school will help students to get a job later when they graduate.
In conclusion,
learning art and music at school benefits students to relieve stress and to get
more job opportunities as I mentioned above. Due to these reasons, I personally
believe that children should have art and music as mandatory school subjects. |
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1. make는 사역동사이기 때문에 뒤에 to부정사가 아닌 동사원형이 옵니다.
2. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
3. 첫 번째 바디 문단에서 painting and listening to music in class was very entertaining.
이라는 얘기가 나오는데 구체적으로 어떤 활동을 했고
그것을 하면서 어떤 감정을 느꼈는지까지도 서술해주세요.
4. 문법은 깔끔한 편입니다.
다만 동사 help 뒤에는 to 부정사 또는 동사 원형이 올 수 있고 ing 형태는 오지 않습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*