정말 도움이 많이 되었습니다... 굉장히 글을 쉽고...재미있게 쓰시는 군요.... 서술적으로 쓰고...적절한 예시를 둬서 쓴점 정말 배울 만합니다.. >11월 7일 셤을 무사히 끝냈습니다. >에세이는 빈출문제가 아닌 이상한 문제가 나와서 솔직히 4점만 맞으면 감사할 따름인데.. > >암튼, 제가 전에 네이티브에게 교정받고 있고, 셤끝나면 글을 올린다고 약속을 했기에 약속을 지킬려구요.그리고, 네이티브에게 들었던 몇가지 팁도 말씀드리구요. > >짧고 분명하게 자기의견 말하라. >주로 토플 문제가 찬성하야 반대하야, 둘중에 뭘 더 선호하냐 이런 문제 나오잖아요? >아니면, 생각을 묻든지요. 예를 들면 >스트레스 풀때, 책읽을래, 운동할래, 정원가꿀래? 또는 아이와 어른을 구분짓는 이벤트가 뭐냐? 이런 식으로요. >이러면 이때, 대부분의 사람들이 첫 시작을 썸피플은 불라불라 쓰고 나는 이거 좋다 라고 하는데, 그렇게 하지말고 바로 묻는 문제의 답을 말하라고 하네요. >이따가 샘플 보시면 알수 있으실 거에요. > >그리고, 서론에 묻는말에 대한 답과 그 이유를 제시해야하구요. >본론에는 그 이유에 대한 상세내용을 적되 새로운 내용 또는 관련없는 내용 쓰면 안되구요. > >그 이상은 기본적인 글쓰기 주의사항과 똑같아요. > >강조한 점은 절대 썸피플은 이런데, 나는 이렇다라는 식의 군더더기 글 쓰지 말라고 하네요. > >그럼, 첨삭지도 받은 글을 올릴께요. >네이티브가 아이디어나 내용에는 손을 대지 않았어요. >제가 써서 준 내용에 구조나 문법을 손봐줬구요. 그래도 간혹 문법이 틀린 게 있을 수도 있어요. 숨은그림 찾기처럼 한번 찾아보시구요. > >그럼, 도움되길.. > > >106 (PR) You need to travel from your home to a place 40 miles (64 kilometers) away. Compare the different kinds of transportation you could use. Tell which method of travel you would choose. Give specific reasons for your choice. > >I WOULD choose the subway as a method of travel.. TAKING A bus or car ARE OTHER OPTIONS, but using the subway is best for me. On the subway, I can rest sitting IN A comfortable chair or read books. In addition, THE subway is the most economical OPTION. > >On the subway, I can enjoy reading books or just relax with my eyes closed. When it comes TO using my own car, I have to drive. So. I MUST focus on driving AND CANNOT relax nor read books. After I get to my destination, I WOULD feel tired. TAKING the bus is almost the same AS DRIVING my car. Personally, I easily feel carsick, which makes IT difficult  FOR ME to enjoy the bus. To make matterS worse, the bus in Korea is full of noises from the street and the radio, WHICH THE DRIVERS PUT ON MAXIMUM VOLUME. This keeps me from feeling comfortable ON the bus. > >THE Subway is the cheapest way to move. Oil priceS IN Korea ARE much more expensive than THOSE of any other conturIES. Except for an emengency, I usually use the subway to save money. Bus fee ARE relatively cheap.but, the discomfort that I have to put up with ON the bus makes me feel LIKE THE BUS FEE IS TOO MUCH. > >In conclusion, I WOULD choose the subway to travel. ON the subway, I can do what I want to do: I can make myself relaxed BY leaning against the wall with my eyes closed or I can read books. Most of all, THE subway is the cheapest among all OPTIONS.   > >0116 (PR) People learn in different ways. Some people learn by doing things; other people learn by reading about things; others learn by listening to people talk about things. Which of these methods of learning is best for you? Use specific examples to support your choice > >Learning by reading about things is best for me. Knowledge from books is best because books usually contain  what experts say and they are available everwhere and everytime. > >Books have the most accurate information.That is because books are usually written by the experts in the fields the books cover. On the other hand, what people SAY is usually from their experiences. UNFORTUNATELY INDIVIDUAL  experiences ARE NOT ALWAYS ACCURATE. For example, when I haD my first baby, I haD to DECIDE to breastfeed or bottlefeed her. Almost EVERYBODY including my mother AND my sisters recommended THAT I  raiseD my baby with formula.They believe that bottlefeeding is better for babIES, THIS IS A RESULT OF the wrong information the babyfood companies have propagated for a long time.  Unless I had  read books about how to feed a baby, I WOULD have given formula to my daughter. > >Books are available whenever and wherever I want to read THEM. I CAN FIND BOOKS  in my bookshelf or in bookstores. They are accessible AT anytime and in anyplace. On the other hand, learning FROM one’s own experences takes time. THIS means that only after we GO through some trials and errors, can WE get lessons from them. THIS IS THE SAME WHEN LEARNING By listening to others. Eventhough we are eager to hear from somebody, it may not be possible to find those who HAVE SOMETHING WORTH SAYING. > >In conclusion, I believe that learning by reading about things is best for me. THIS is because, from books, I can acquie the most accurate information about what I want to know. IN ADDITION, through books, I can find out what I want to know without regard to where I am or when I want that information. > >0166 (XX) People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. > >I believe a difference between children and adults comes from three facts. Adults should endure(persevere through) some difficult tasks for the sake of others. Adults should act based on the resposibility. In addition, they should always try to act in a right way to be a good example to children. In this sense, becoming a parent is what makes a person an adult. > >Having one’s own kids requires huge sacrifice. In most cases, we can do something we want to do. At the same time, we can quit doing it whenever we do not want it any more or we do not have to do it. Usually we do not put other people’s interest in front of ours. But, raising kids is a totally different matter. Every mother, especially mother who has a little baby can not even have a good sleep at night to takes care of her baby. She spends almost all of her time for feeding on, batheing and playing with her babies while sacrificing the desire to rest and do something else just for herself. > >Becoming a parent always comes with the responsibility for children. Becoming a parent does not just mean that we have our own kids. It also means that we have to protect them from danger, give them good opportunities to be well educated and support them to do what they want to do both mentally and financially. I saw a report saying that the dominant reason many working parents can not quit their job is that they have to support their children. > >Adults should do the right thing because children look at and mimic what adults do. Sometimes, children do something wrong. It imay be because they do not know what is right or wrong. But, adults can judge what is right and they should act as their judgement tells. In case that they are with their children, they should reconsider before they act because what they do influences children a lot. Personally, as a mother of 11-month- year –old girl, I try not to be mad at her easily. Taking care of her sometime makes me exhasted, which drives me lose my temper. But, because I am sure that my long face gives bad influence on developing her emotion, I try to smile at her face. > >In conclusion, I believe that raising our own children is what makes us adults. Because raising children requires sacrifice and the sense of resoponsibility. And it spurs us to act as a way to be a good example to the children.   > >0018 (EX) What are some important qualities of a good supervisor (boss)? Use specific details and examples to explain why these qualities are important. > >I believe a good supervisor should have three qualities. A good supervisor should TEACH his SUBORDINATE what HE NEEDS TO COMPLETE his task. A good advisor SHOULD UNCOVER and use his SUBORDINABE’s hidden abilitIES. In addition, he should be unbiased in dealing with his SUBORDINATE. > >A good supervisor should guide his men in DOING his work. For a junior-level person or a beginner, it is almost impossible to accomplish a task without a boss’s help. Moreover, he/she can’t learn a lot of WHAT IS required to do the task unless his/her boss provides the opportunities FOR learning.  A good boss should help his men acquireTHE NECESSARY knowledge for his work and carry out his work successfully. For example, my first boss in my first workplace always ASKED ME questions. Those questions led me to think of or reserch what WAS essential for me to start my work. This kind of training WENT on FOR more than two months. I learned almost all of the knowledge REQUIRED for my work from him DURING this period, > >A good supervisor can find his man’s potential and use it where it is needed. When a boss leads a team consisting of several members, each member has different talentS, sometimes hidden- oneS. >If a boss can read each man’s potential and allow it to be used properly, he can fulfill the maximum POTENTIAL that his team can achieve. > > A good supervisor should be fair to every member of his team. F0R EXAPLE, some of his subordinates may have same hobbies or interests in common with him. This can make THE SUPEVISOR feel closer to SOME SUBORDINATE than the others who don’t have much to share privately with THEIR boss. But, private RELATIONSHIP WITH his SUBORDIANTES should be excluded from the work. > >In conclusion, I believe that a good supervisor should BE GOOD TRAINER, HAVE insight into his SUBORDINATES’ potentialS. and TREAT HIS TEAM FAIRLY. > > > > >0154 (AD) In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. > >I believe it is a very good rule to prohibit smoking in public places and office builidings. Smoke from cigarettes is as dangerous as exhaust fumes from cars. It does nothing good for anybody. The smell of smoke from cigaretteS IS OFFENSIVE TO non-smokers. CigaretteS ruin THE HEALTH OF PEOPLE NEARBY as well as the smokers’ own. In addition, cigrette smoke STAINS the wallS of the builidngs, DECREASING THEIR appearance.   > >The smell of smoke from cigaretteS throws a wet blaket over non-smokers’ feelings. Nobody thinkS that the smelll of cigaretteS is good. I heard that even a smoker hates the SMELL OF smoke from ANOTHER PEROSON’S cigarette. If we have to work in a builidng where smoking is allowed, we can’t help being surrounded BY smoke from cigaretteS as long as we are in the builiding. For non-smokers, it WOULD BE A terrible experience that repeats everyday. > >Smoke from cigaretteS HAS A BAD IMPACT on the health of people who are near the smokers as well as the smokers’ own HEALTH. Several reports STATE that indirect smoking is as harmful as direct SMOKING. For example, I remember a news STORY ABOUT a father’s cigarettes killING his daughter. Because the father SMOKED cigarettes a lot at home, his home was always filled with the smoke.. The smoke caused THE little baby’s airway to constrict too much. Eventually, the baby was choked to death. Personally, I often got  A sorethroat, feeling like something is sticking my throat, when I stayed in the place where smoking was permitted. > >Smoke from cigarettes HARMS the appearance of building by staining the wall. The black fumes from cigaretteS usually scatter around and stick to the wall. The wall of the building where smoking is allowed turns black continuously, which makes the offices look dirty. For example, the wall of the office where I worked before was pure white at first. But, as time WETN on, the more fumes stUck to the wall, the more black it turned. Eventhough the office was always arranged very well, I never felt that it was clean. > >In conclusion, I believe that smoking in public places or office builidings should be banned.Smoke from cigaretteS makes non-smokers feel bad and damages non-smokers’ health as well as the smoker’s own. It ALSO makes the apperance of the building WORSE. > > >0096 People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of >modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? Use specific details and examples in your answer > > >I think the best way to reduce stress is reading. Reading can help us feel mentally refeshed and also help us get physically rested. > >Reading enables us to get mentally refreshed by detaching us from our weary everyday lives. Real life gives us stress and difficulties. Books, especially novels, are usually stories dealing with the happiness, sorrow, anger, or passion of human life. But,they are not reality. By reading novels, we can experience an amazing life totally different from our own real lives, providing some fun and  freshness. This kind of experience helps us reduce stress. Some books describe a life very similar to our own. In those cases, reading books can provide some solace for our tired soul. > >Reading also gives us a chance to get physically rested. The Stress and difficulties of modern life usually come with physical fatigue. Some say that they can be reduced by working out or working in a garden. But, I believe those activities can make us more tired. Reading books can be done while lying down on a couch or sitting on a comfortable chair. This allows us to rest our bodies while reading. > >In conclusion, I think reading books is the most efficient way to reduce stress. By reading books, we can get refreshed by experiecing a life completely different from our own and can take a rest at the same time. >