총평: 웬만하면 3점정도가 나오겠습니다. (잘나오면 3.5지만 그럴 가능성이 적습니다.)
문법의 기초가 부족하시군요...
에세이 뿐 아니라 문법도 좀 공부하세요
일부러 따끔하게 말씀드립니다.
아래에서 자세히 설명 드리겠습니다.
저도 만점을 받지는 못했습니다.(5.5점)
따라서 문법실수 위주로 수정해드리겠습니다.
│
│ Topic: Some people prefer to spend most of their time alone. Others likes to be with friends most of the time. Do you prefer to spend your time alone or with friends? Use specific reasons to support your answer.
│
│
│ In the world, there are many people who spend differently their time. Some people pass most of their time alone and others likes to be with friends most of the time. I think that spending the time with their friends is more useful for us than spending alone. It make it for us to improve our relationship. And we will get many information.
: 순서대로 문법오류 지적 ##
differerntly 와 their time의 순서 바꿈. pass의 의미를 알수없음. others다음에 likes 안됨. spending it alone이 되어야 함. makes가 되어야함. it 다음에 makes. for us는 불필요. many 안됨 much.
│ First of all, enjoying their friends will help well know our friends. For example, last summer I went to go camping with my friends. We talked about many things such as our future and afflictions. Our relations have gained in intimacy by a chance.
:help us to know our friends well로 바꿈. 전체적으로 좀 어설픔(양이 너무 작음)
│ Secondly, we will have amount of information such as major, midterm and final exam, professor's lecture and so forth. When I register for my classes, I and my friends always help make a class schedule each other. In these progress of making, we share information with friends.
: amount앞에 many나 an필요. progresses로 함. 마찬가지로 매우 어설픔(양도 적음)
│ In conclusion, people have various methods how they spend their time. In my case, I like having time with friends better than others. It makes it for us to share information and make better reference.
: for us 불필요. 내용이 조금 이상...다른사람과 함께있는것보다 친구와함께있는것이 좋고 그게 정보와 좋은 관계를 맺게 해준다...이게 결론?
논지에 맞게 혼자 있는게 좋은지 친구들과 있는게 좋은지 확실한 선택으로 끝을 맺으시길.
문법때문에 4점은 힘들고 3점정도 나옵니다.