▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, we can easily access ubiquitous
media, because it is ubiquitous. Although they not only have advantages, but also lots of shortcomings. I
firmly believe that television and movies ruin children, because It is not
difficult to find the negative impact around us. Simply, child who tends to extremely
watch videos can not pay attention on what she is doing. Also the full of
materials in their leisure time discourage family to isolated even they are in a
same place.
Firstly, I want to talk about lack of recognition. I want to talk--이런거 말하지 말고 바로 point로 들어가세요. According to recent study, excessive 단어 외울 때 정확한 의미와 쓰임새도 함께 외워야 합니다. (지나친) media exposition(노출) brings about reckless eyes movement. And this cause the declined ability
to pay attention. I think it is more severe matter than we thought, because it can
affect on from daily routine to whole life. In fact, my high-school friend have
had bad habit that she watches Youtube-video at least an hour at every night and I
found that the roommate has trouble reading long text without any patient.
Second reason what I want to emphasize is isolation.
The more technology our society developed, the more exclusion will appear. 시제 동일시해야합니다. It
implies that we have to focus on how to spend on rest of work. Many of neighborhood
have spent their time by watching television and movies. Actually, when I was
young, our family always have dinner with television. And we get bigger, we are
still have the habit. What I realized is television has occupied role of talkers,
anyone in my family do not try to tell something. Consequently, although, we
are in a same space, we can not communicate each other in a typical way.
To sum up, many provocative media lead to negative
influences. One is disability of paying attention and the other is shortage
opportunity of family communication. In this too-much-information society, the
right way to raise their children is keep them from stimulus media.
전체적으로 이해가 아예 안 가는 문장들이 많습니다. 문법 오류가 정말 많아요 문장 자체를 많이 안 써본 것 같은데 제 생각에는 에세이 연습보다는 영작 연습이나 문법 공부, 어휘 공부가 우선시되어야할 거 같습니다. and로 문장 시작하는거 지양해야합니다. |