▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that it is not beneficial
for teenage students to have part time jobs. However, in my opinion, it is good
for teens to have part time jobs because it can help them teenagers learn a lot of
valuable things. (Better to specify the reason)
To begin with, students can learn a sense
of economy. In fact, it is common in Korea to get allowance from their parents even
until they graduate from the high school. So students tend to spend money so easily because
they don’t know how hard it is for parents to earn the money. In this sense, if they earn money make a profit by themselves, they can learn a sense of economy. For example, when I was a high school student,
I bought what I wanted to have or eat wear no matter what it costs. But after I
started to earn my own allowance thanks to my best friend’s recommendation, I have
saved money for myself and didn’t purchase unnecessary things anything that I didn’t need. Through
this experience, I realized that making money by myself is very crucial to
learn sense of economy.
On top of that, a part-time job can improve
a teenage student’s sense of punctuality. While doing a part-time job, they’re
interacting with other people like managers, peer coworkers or customers. (Good point) This
means they have to be punctual because they have to work in rotation take turn with coworkers. A
study was conducted in sang-one high school (Is it a name?) to determine whether doing a part-time job could affect teenager’s sense of responsibility. There were two groups
monitored. The first group was formed of students who worked in restaurant or
some other work places. The other group consist of non-working peers. The
researchers tracked their habits in school. The researchers compared the
outcomes and recorded that the former group was more responsible in arriving in
time. (Example is weak) This is because they know if they miss the promised time, (What is that?) they will be
held accountable for being late.
To sum up, part time job can increase
student’s sense of responsibility and
economy because they experienced how hard to make money and to be on time. In
this regard, I firmly believe It is advantageous for teenagers to have
part-time jobs.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 3 | 3 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- 인트로에서는 앞으로 전개될 이유를 대략적으로 밝혀주시는 것이 좋습니다.
- 중간에 capital letter를 쓰는 것은 명칭일 때를 제외하고는 쓰지 않도록 유의하여 주세요. - 과거예시는 과거의 형태로 사용하여 주세요.
- 첫 번째 내용은 지출과 소득의 balance에 대하여서도 언급하시면 좋을 것으로 보입니다. - 두 번째 내용은 punctuality 보다 responsibility라는 주장이 더 어울리며, punctuality 는 설명에 넣어주시면 됩니다. - 추가로 example에서는 단순히 지각보다는 학교생활에서의 책임을 언급해주시는 것이 좋아요 (과제, 학교활동 등등) |
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