■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic :All students should be required to take history
courses? |
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▶ Your Answer :
I
agree that every student (every + 단수명사 입니다) should learn history courses.
First of all, by learning history, we can solve our
problems which are happening at present. (주어 동사 불일치 / 관사) There is (줄임말 사용을 하지 말아주세요.) a famous phrase in Korea. “When you are
struggled by problem, the best way to solve is reading history books. History
has an answer.” What the phrase saying is true. When I
was a (관사 필요합니다) high school student, I had a lot of discussion assignments. When I was
stressed because of discussion with some classmates, my history teacher
recommended reading (recommend + 동사 ing 입니다) history books. (문장의 시작을 and으로 하지 말아주세요) And there was similar situations like mine.
So I got the answer from the person who lived in the past. It was pretty
amazing experience. In addition, by learning history, we receive motivation
from the specific person or the situations. There was a lot of great inventors
who lived in the past. But, some inventors failed many times before the big
success. So, sometimes we are motivated by their fails. One of the greatest
inventors (one of the 복수명사 입니다), Edison, (컴마 필요) who created (시제 -> 과거 시제) who create the lamp experienced lots of fail in his
experiments. Moreover, there’s a famous phrase which
Edison said, “Failure is the mother of success.” And when I spent hard times, I always repeated the phrase. And it
made me more relaxed (형용사 ing와 형용사 ed의 차이를 공부해주세요) because even Edison had a lot of failure! To sum up,
history does not stay with the same shape. We can use them in (전치사 필요합니다) many ways in our
lives. Not only that, but it is important to learn history. I always agree with
the phrase that “the person who don’t know past has no future.” |
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 문장의 시작을 and 또는 because로 하지 말아주세요.
3. introduction의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
4. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*