▶ Your Answer : The given topic is whether applying strict rules in raising children is necessary for ensuring their success. In my opinion, strict rules are not essential in leading for leading children to achieve a success. First of all, strict rules can keep children from developing their creativity. Nowadays, creativity plays a key role in guaranteeing an individual success in society as companies require their employees to be creative and original, because the those qualities are indispensable for solving complicated problems. Therefore, it surely can be said that enriching one's creativity creative directly can directly lead to an individual success. For this reason, we can find that a number of parents these days attempt to set up environments where their children spontaneously raise creativity, including letting their children go on a trip just with friends. However, if parents put strict rules on children such as rigorous curfew, they cannot give their children chances to develop give rise to creativity. Even if the parents can put them in their control, the children would be deprived of any opportunity to broaden their spectrum of experiences, which leads to the rise of creativity.
On top of that, strict rules can demonstrate a negative impact on children's social skills for various reasons, leading to difficulty of adapting to society after graduation from school. Speaking for social skills, they play central roles in many aspects of society, because nearly every task and job requires workers to be able to co-work with others. Based on my experiences, it seems highly likely that people who have been raised under strict parents tend to have hard time mingling with others. Analyzing The causes behind was that, I commonly found that they had a severe conflict with their parents or did not have much time enough to build up emotional bonds with their friends because of rigorous curfew.(Give us an example) It is no wonder that this sort of deficiency of social skills cannot ensure social success nowadays. To sum up, I want to conclude putting strict rules on children can have negative effects on their success.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- Intro와 Conclusion구문이 상당히 짧은 편입니다.
- enriching 동명사 옆에는 형용사가 아닌 명사형을 취해줍니다. - spelling error 가 종종 보입니다. - 첫 번째 예시에서 언급된 아이들만의 여행에서 어떻게 부모가 strict rule이라는 기준을 두지 않고 자율성과 창의성을 키울 수 있는지 상세하게 언급하여 주세요. - 두 번째 아이디에서는 어떤 심한 curfew였는지 이것이 social skill을 기르는데에 있어 왜 문제가 되었는지 얘기해주세요.
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