▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether it is better to work as a team than as an individual to succeed. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this topic can be different depending on people's perspectives. However, in my opinion, I support that working as a team in is better than an individual to succeed for the following two reasons. First of all, people should work as a team than an individual to succeed, because working as a team can broaden people's perspectives. People can get diverse information by discussing problems related to their project each other, which as a result can allow people to better understand different cultures, lifestyles and perspectives. Modern society is increasingly becoming globalized, today's world requires people with international views. People can do this better by working with other people as a team. For example, Steve Jobs, (Template?) who is the founder of Apple, had made great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read online that he was very successful because he was global-minded and culturally sensitive. He did this by learning the unknown fields through working and discussing with many people. Hence, it shows that people need to work with other people in order to broaden their views. In addition, it is beneficial for people to work as a team for leading successful lives, because it helps people learn how to build good about building relationships with others. Working with a team creates opportunities for people to expand their social network, which as a result allows people learn social skills how to build relationships through communicating their thoughts and connecting to each other’s feelings. Building a relationships is not only a great way to develop social, interpersonal and communication skills but also provides the basis for a strong network necessary for leading successful lives. For example, when I was in university years, I used to have a lot of team projects in classes. By working as a team in classes, I met a lot of classmates competent for presentation, public-speech and made relationships with them. After that making relationships, whenever I have team projects in other classes, they and I did work together. Indeed, I could get good grade for many classes. Through this experience, I realized I could make good relationships by working other people and be helpful for me in many ways. Therefore, it shows that working as a team is better than individuals in order to embrace relations. In conclusion, I firmly believe that working as a team is more helpful for people to achieve their success. All things considered, this is my belief that my arguments regarding this issue has precisely and effectively delivered with reason mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue can have a huge impact on our near future.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- is 와 in 명확히 구분하여 주세요.
- 같은 구문은 반복하지 않고 생략하여 주세요. - steve jobs 예시는 template으로 보입니다. 감점이 있을 수 있으므로 보완 또는 바꿔주셔야 합니다. - 동의어로 바꾸는 연습을 많이 해보세요. |
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