▶ Your Answer : I disagree with the statement that in twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than today. Let me account for them step bystep at the below. First of all, the fundamental environments are mostly focused on cars. (Unclear meaning) As people buy cars, the number of cars have increased as well and therefore we need rules for both using our cars more safely and more effectively. Thus, most of countries in the world have their own rules as a law to stipulate their citizens to implement and keep them for everyone's safety and social traffic orders. In addition, the number of highways or normal roads for car are much larger than that of other modes like airports, trails and so on.
Secondly, functions of cars would be various broaden than before. One of the predominant company, Tesla, which could be considered as the first runner in this field, has been showing forms of future car for few years. In this flow, we could easily spot that they try to put more functions on car with caring about future environments. Moreover, so many IT corporations have been trying to show auto-driving cars within short period of time. I think these efforts should tempt people to keep buying cars in the future as well and truly doing these days as well. Thus, we could infer the direction of car industry enoughly viathese flows. (Wrong sentence)
Lastly, undeveloped countries and developing countries are still ongoing in terms of development so those countries could be new market. (This could be an explanation, not thesis) Even though people who living in the developed countries already own their cars themselves, people in other countries like India or Zambia still do not. If they are steadily developing, would keep developing following the process of developed countries did, they should arrange their roads and transportation systems in few years for better society. As time passes, people who need cars should will increase as society developes. Therefore, the number of cars inevitably be increased in the future.
For these reasons I mentioned above, the number of cars could be reduced though the time goes.(Opposite meaning)
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence |
점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 2 |
Score | Limited 10-17 | - Let me ~ --> 와 같은 단어는 회화체이므로 라이팅에서는 사용하지 않도록 유의하여 주세요. - 전체적으로 띄어쓰기가 되어있지 못하였습니다. - fundamental environment 이 가르키는 것은 무엇인가요? - 인트로 내용이 불필요하게 긴 편입니다. - 두 번째 주장은 설명에 더욱 가깝습니다. - 그래머 오류가 상당히 많이 보이는 편입니다. - 결론이 주장과 반대로 되어 있네요. |