▶ Your Answer :
There has been an argument regarding the issue of whether parents should have strict rules for their children if they want them to be successful in life or they should be lenient to their children. Some parents maintain that they should set rigid rules for their children. However, my own view on the matter is that they should be flexible to their kids. In this essay, I will present two reasons to support my ideas. First of all, children can relieve stress. (Through what?) This is mainly because their parents’ flexibility when it comes to education can help them to relax and feel free. These days, many students are extremely stressed out of an excessive amount of their homework. They definitely need to get some rest at home. However, if their parents are strict and oppressive, they not only feel get nervous, but also they suffer from suppression of emotion the thought that their emotions are suppressed. Moreover, they might be scared of the punishments from their parents. I have my personal experience to explain this. When I was a high school student, my parents were generous to me because they understood how much stressful I was from schoolwork and a relationship with friends I got stressed of my study. However, if they had been strict to me, I might have not be able to endure the great amount of stress from studying. On top of that, children can cultivate confidence and promote personality. (By what?) Since they are free at home, they can express any emotion and all ideas about all things any subject. They naturally can give opinions or convey their candid feelings to their parents. This will help the kids to have confidence and good personality which would make them grow up as competent people in the future. According to a lot of employers, one of the best characteristics that employees should have is courage. This indicates that having a confidence is really the most important factor to go get a job. Taking everything into consideration, parents’ flexibility can help their children to alleviate stress and have confidence. In this regard, I strongly believe that parents should not set rigorous rules for their children to help them succeed in life.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 16-18 | - topic sentence에는 무엇에 의하여 (free from parent's strict rule, instruction) 결과에 이르는지 명시해주시는 것이 좋겠습니다.
- 표현하는 법이 다소 어색하지만, 상대적으로 자유로운 환경에서 큰 아이들이 부모에게 솔직한 감정을 표현할 수 있다는 등의 좋은 아이디어들이 많이 제시가 되어 있어요. 에세이를 많이 써보시면 내용이 점점 좋아질 것이라는 생각이 드네요.
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