■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. |
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▶Your Answer : Some people might say that living in a big city is more attractive than residing in a small town. However, I disagree with this statement for two reasons concerning the fact that living in the countryside is conducive to strengthening mental health and physical condition. To begin with, citizens in a smaller city can improve their mental fitness since they can enjoy a less competitive environment. What I mean is that especially teenagers do not need to endure extreme competition compared to those in a big city. In metropolitan cities, the prices of commodities have been usually higher and the work condition is more severe than rural areas. People are endeavoring too much in order to get the job that provides the sufficient income. Thus, teenagers in big cities have to study harder and parents are checking strictly the daily study time and records of their children. However, I grew up in rural region, and I was able to enjoy the peaceful and chilling environment and foster mental health. For example, when I was a middle school student in rural areas, I usually played with my hometown friends and reviewed what I studied from the classroom teacher by myself. My parents did not oblige me to attend the private course in order to win the competition, and believed my self-studying way. With the help of studying for myself, I entered the prestigious college and have maintained self motivating ability in spite of severe situations after I worked at the firm in a big city. I believe that I was able to learn a self motivated studying habit and self efficacy due to living experience in the small town, which was less competitive. On top of that, people in the countryside can enhance their physical fitness than those in larger cities. It is usual that less factories and buildings have been constructed in small towns. Therefore, the amount of detrimental factors such as pollutants or dusts is also less than other busy cities and rural citizens are less likely to get diseases. According to the survey of the Ministry of the environment of the Republic of Korea, “the minute dusts”, which is the cause of cancer and harmful illness, is usually observed more frequently in metropolitan cities. Besides, they concluded that minute dusts are able to expand more drastically in the big cities since the interactions within dusts create (주어 동사 일치) perilous gases. In a nut shell, living a life in rural areas can help improve mental health and physical fitness. In this regard, I firmly hold that living in a small town is more beneficial than in a big city. |
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점수: 25/30
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. introdcution & conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요! (한 문단 = 3문장 이상입니다.)
3. 문법은 자잘한 오류들이 많은데요, in, on과 같은 전치사를 주의해서 써주시고
문장을 너무 길게 늘이지 말아주세요. 될 수 있으면 컴마를 빼고 간결하게 마쳐주시는 게 좋습니다.
그것 말고는 구성이나 logic을 봤을 때는 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*