▶ Your Answer : Some people think that television and movies have positive effects on children's behavior. However, in my opinion, television and movies are sometimes harmful for children. There are two reasons. First, television and movies can lead children to do risky things. Second, television and movies are pretty addictive. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, television and movies can make children to do dangerous things commit dangerous behavior (make뒤는 동사 원형이 나와야 합니다). Since usual children do not mentally grow perfectly, they might not be able to make right decision. Because television shows and movies are fun and are sometimes like a dream, children want to be like that or to do like movies characters do. I will take my personal experience as an example. When For example, when (I will take~같은 표현은 구어체이기 때문에 적절하지가 않습니다) I was young, I enjoyed watching the movie "Home Alone". In the movie, a kid does pretty risky things to the thieves. Because I watched that movie joyfully, I thought that I could do like things like the main character of the movies did. However, after doing so, I got injured.
On top of that, television and movies are pretty addictive. Movies and television shows are so fun and stimulating that it makes children only watch television and movies. If children are addicting to watching television and movies, there will be negative effects, such as lowering their grades or not doing outdoor activities. For example, my younger brother got addicted to watching television and movies, when he was young. He has had a lot of friend and was good at studying before he got addicted to watching television and movies. However, after he is addicted to watching movies and television, he lost his friends and received really low grade in school.
To sum up, watching television and movies are not helpful for children's behavior for making them to do risky things and for making children to be addictive. In this regard, I firmly believe that television and movies have negative effects on children.
점수: 22 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 첫 번째 오류는 너무 that절이 난무 합니다. 필요하지 않는 부분에 있어서도 that절이 계속 나와있습니다. 이러한 부분은 좋지 않기 때문에 주의하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째는 너무 반복적인 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 표현들은 에세이로 하여금 플로우가 반복되게 하기 때문에 주의하면서 에세이를 서술하식리 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |