▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, going to school in morning is very important for many students. Some people think that an early time to go school is better than late time, while the others do not. while others think differently. If I have to choose one side, school should allow students to go school late time. There are few reasons as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, when students can go school late, it is beneficial for improving their health to improve their health. There are many students should pass the breakfast as their tight schedule in the morning. passing the breakfast Also, some students can not sleep well as their assignments and early class in the morning. If they can go school late, the can enjoy the breakfast, and can sleep enough. they can rest enough to sustain life. Relaxed condition tends to bring good circumstances for developing to develop health body condition. For example, my little brother was weak and always looked tired while he had to go school early. However, he has changed little by little gradually when the class time schedule of school changed from start at 8 A.M to 10 A.M. He could enjoy the morning time well, eating the meal and waking up at 8 A.M. Those time give him to gain more energies to stand the day. If he could keep going to school with same schedule before, he could not enjoy his life.
In addition, starting the school at late time contribute contributes (ing뒤에는 항상 단수 주어 입니다) higher academic grade for students. When they start the classes late morning, students have a time to wake up brain, and it can help to learn new things in good condition. For instance, the result of brain studies conducted by the Tokyo University reveals that brain is activated after waking up few hours later. In the study, there were two groups; one group got a test at 7 A.M and other group got a test at 10 A.M. As a result, the latter group showed the much higher result than former group.
All in all, although early time schedule looks for ideal for students, considering the development of students' health and academic achievement, later time schedule is merit that early one.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이는 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 단락의 균형화를 맞추시길 바랍니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 첫 번째 단락은 너무 길고 두 번째 단락은 너무 짧습니다. 균형을 맞추면서 에세이를 서술하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 또한 전체적으로 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 표현들은 에세이 플로우를 방해하기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습ㄴ디ㅏ. |