Nowadays, in our society there are so abundant products which can allure many people (단복수). Moreover, television advertising is one of the most notable issues in our lives. I acknowledge the statement that television advertising should not be directed toward children under the age of five, although there cannot be outright unanimity on the thesis statement. In order to authenticate my cardinal standard, I will provide distinctive grounds and examine the consequences of supporting television advertising under the age of five is not effective in great detail in this essay.
First of all, it is (줄임말 사용 X) important to contemplate that immoral advertisement might cause to children harm. In these days, owing to the diverse breakthrough of the internet social media, many owners of company can display to show attractive advertisement. Normally, many products consider the age of the person for older people, but I think under five year-old children would get influenced badly. To illustrate that idea let’s consider the following example.I have a five (아라비아 숫자 사용 X) year old younger sister and she likes (주어 동사 불일치) to ask a question in most of the time. However, when she started to watch a television advertisements, she suddenly was attached to television more than a books or play with her dulls. As you can see, television advertisement gave her bad influential. (왜 그런지에 대한 이유가 없습니다. 가장 중요한 부분이니 꼭 넣어주세요.)
Equally crucial is many under five year old children will ask their parents to buy certain products more often. When we look at the television advertisement, many advertisements show only attracting parts of the products. For instance, If there are many different toys advertisement, the children will only ask to buy that regardless of the money problem. Take a case of this example, a friend of mine whom I’ve known for ten years. He has a younger brother under 5 years old and his younger brother is exposed to many sort of advertisement. After all, his younger brother keeps on asking to buy him new product when the novel advertisements come out. This experience taught him that under five year old children would keep on asking to buy new products regardless of the cost. (asking을 함으로써 뭐가 안 좋은지 명시해주시고 tv 광고라는 사실을 써주세요)
In a nutshell, based on the arguments explored above, I’m of the opinion that in most case the advertisement should not be exposed to under five year old children, because the immoral advertisement can cause badly to children (Badly 한것이 어떤 건지 써주세요) and the children will keep on asking to buy new products. In this regard, I strongly believe that advertisement for a young child is harmful.
-
전체적으로 많이 불안정한 에세이입니다.
문법이 흔들리고 내용이 탄탄하지 못합니다.
구체적으로 내용을 설명해주시고 문법에서는 단복수와 주어동사 일치를 집중적으로 교정해주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*