■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic : Volunteer work should be mandatory for college students.
▶ Your Answer :
What triggers people to volunteer? It could be the pressure from their parents, their own will, or maybe to meet up the standard for social morale. The important fact is that, not many people these days, volunteer for their own will. In this perspective, I disagree that volunteer work should be mandatory for college students, following 2 different reasons: Students can be disturbed on their studying, and it also vilolates individual’s freedom to choose freely.
First of all, obligating college students to volunteer can cause negative effects on their study. To be specific, some students are not capable of studying and volunteering at the same time. This means that. students should volunteer only after they are capable of assimilating their ordinary schedule of their studying. To apply my personal experience of this case, I would like to give an example of my friend from my high school. In order for him to achieve his goal to get into his favorite university in Korea, he tried to accumulate his experience by doing extracculiar activities, such as volunteering, and club activities. Eventually, however, he could not enter the university, because he failed to achieve a minimum score suggested by the university. In this case, it can be indicated that forcing students to to volunteer during college can cause harmful effects to some of the students.
On the other hand, forcing college students to voulunteer violates people of their own right to choose freely. Which means that college students should act on their own will, and decide whether they should volunteer or not. According to to research done by the Korean government, some of the colleges in Korea are vilolating their students’ right to choose which courses they want to take, and making students to take mandatory courses that they have never asked for. Such cases are still happening in many different colloges in Korea and in other countries, which needs to stop. According to the human right law, people have the right to choose what they want to do as long as they don’t vilolate other laws. Similarly, this should also be applied to the volunteering programs for college students.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the act of volunteering matters only when people volunteer on their own will. When college students are forced to volunteer, there will be many side effects that could harm students’ performance of studying and students can also be vilolated by refraining their right to choose.
주장이나 문장은 괜찮은데, spelling오류가 너무 많은 편입니다.
이는 proof reading 면밀히 하면 고쳐질 오류일 듯 싶습니다.
주장이 논리적으로 설명되었고, 이에 따른 supporting detail도 아주 자세하게 잘 작성되어서, 전체적인 가독성이
높은 편입니다. 예시도 잘 쓰인 듯 합니다. 다만 어휘가 조금씩은 기본적이고, 반복되는 듯 하여서 문장이 조금
지루하게 느껴지는 감이 있습니다. 더 다양하게 사용할 수 있도록 해주세요