■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Which of the following activities should the university give rewards to its high performance? 1. Volunteer service 2. Atheletic achievement 3. Academic performance |
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▶ Your Answer : There is controversial issue regarding what is best for students to give rewards. Several different opinions exist in regard to this issue, but after taking into consideration of the idea from several perspectives, I side with the idea that academic performance should give rewards to its high performance. To start the argument, academic performance enables students to learn multiple skills. This is because, students may have more opportunities to broaden their perspectives. My experience could be a great example. When I attend a university school, I participated in (전치사 필요합니다) the science contest. I studied in the chemical laboratory with my friends. I could not (시제 -> 과거 시제) only learn about the academic knowledge but also develop the ability to get along with others. Therefore, I I could (시제 -> 과거 시제) broaden my perspectives, and I won the prize. On top of that, university should give the highest rewards to academic performance. Specifically speaking, students can demonstrate their potential by doing academic performance. Studies from the renowned research center have shown that 68 percent of participants claimed that they improved their potential by studying their academic activities. In one case, a group of people who performed academic activity are more successful in their life than who did not. As a result, the students recommended this method to others in order to develop their potential. To conclude, I strongly believe that my standpoints of the two reasons are sufficiently convincing. (올바른 문장 부호) The first is, students can learn multiple skills, and they can demonstrate their potential. In this regard, I believe that university should give the highest reward to academic activity. Opinions may differ from people to people, but what does not change is that topic is something that needs to be addressed. |
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1. 두 번째 바디가 상당히 빈약한 편입니다.
일단 topic sentence부터가 뚜렷하지 않고
예시로 든 것도 어떻게 더 성공했다는건지 정확한 지표가 나와있지 않습니다.
살을 더 붙여주시고 최대한 구체화해서 상세하게 서술해주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*