■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Physical exercise is more important to older people than to younger people
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▶ Your Answer : Some people think physical exercise is more important to younger people because in this period, people can maximize their own strength. However, in my opinion, exercise is more necessary to elder because exercise can decrease possibility of injury which is resulted from aging and can socialize with older people.
To begin with, exercise can make up loss of ligament and joint. Elder tend to break up their body easily. This is because their body gets old, and the ability of the body part has dwindled. However, people can compensate their decline of body ability by exercising. This is why exercise is more necessary to old people than the young. For example, my father was healthy when he was 20 to 30. Even if (가정법) he did not (줄임말 사용을 지양해주세요.) do any exercise, he could sit up all night for his work and had no side effect. When he became 40, he couldn’t sit on a chair more than 3 hours. He examined his body by MRI and was diagnosed with a herniated cervical[lumbar] disc. To fix the disease, he had to enhance his core muscle which is near abdomen region and backbone. After prescription, he enrolled in (전치사 필요합니다) swimming class in dawn. He tried hard to develop his muscle which hold sticked out disc from picking nerve cells. (무슨 뜻인가요?) He finally recovered and became (시제 -> 과거형) healthier (healthy의 비교급은 healthier로 표기합니다) compare to his 30s.
On top of that, exercise can be important social activities to old people. People are engaged in many groups when they are young, such as school or company. However, after retirement, the old doesn’t have a chance to meet other people. There are not enough programs in (전치사) which old people can participate. In this regard, the importance of exercise is high. Old people can meet their peers in exercising club, such as morning soccer club. These meeting makes old people feel themselves still necessary. For example, my grandfather retired his job and stayed in house lonely. I was so sad but (but뒤에 컴마가 올 수 없습니다) there is nothing I could do except talk with him for (전치사) just a few minutes. One day, he climbed mountain, and meets climbing club. This club is composed of elder who love climbing. My grandfather joined the club and he became lively because it is always happy for him to meet a new people and get to know them.
Whoever was healthy at his/her early age (컴마 필요 없습니다) can become weak and injured. Also, whoever was famous at his or her early age age (컴마 필요 없습니다)
can become lonely. For these reasons (단수/복수), exercise is more meaningful to old people than younger people.
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1. 1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 주어 뒤에 수식하는 구가 오지 않는 이상 바로 컴마가 올 수 없습니다.
ex. Emily, my daughter, is lovely. (O)
Emily, is lovely. (X)
3. 문법에서는 전치사 사용에 주의해주세요.
4. 이유 두 가지는 모두 좋습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*