▶ Your Answer :
Sopme people think that parents should help children to make their decisions. However, in my opinion, I believe that it is necessary for children to decide what they have to do by themselves. This is because youths can get a sense of responsibility and independence and are less stressful when they follow their decisions. To begin with, children can have a healthy mental by experiencing many things they chose. Imagine that parents make their offsprings do as they want and child does not have any opinion but must follow parent’s suggestion . Would it be possible that the child feels responsibility? The answer would be no. The only way to grow mentally is that they behave as they decide on their own. According to a poll done by Seoul National University(SNU) with its graduates as respondents, It showed that people who had made decision of their life in early childhood tend to have stronger responsibility and independence than others. On top of that, It is less stressful that parents let children decide on many things themselves. Frankly, I do admit that it is very important for parents to teach how to live in this life. However, parent’s too much concern and attention can be poison for childern. Children have to become assertive by making their own plan on their life. By doing so, they can feel free and make their own philosophy. Let me bring up my personal experience for an example. When I was 9 years old. I had a best friend, Jenny who had rigid parents. She always had to go 5 academies without her opinion which she never wanted, because her parents forced her order her to do by force. She had to do homework even at the elementary school. She had no time to hang out with her friends. Eventually, she got a lot of stress so she got a deprssion disease at early age.
typo가 너무 많습니다. 너무 많으면 문장 읽을 때 흐름이 중간에 끊기는 듯 하니 주의해서 작성해주세요
약간의 문법 오류는 계속해서 보이는 편입니다. 기본적인 문법 공부 (시제, 수동태와 연결사 등등)이 필요할 것 같습니다.. 그리고 conclusion은 없는 건가요? structure잘 맞춰서 쓸 수 있도록 해주세요 |