▶ Your Answer :
Some peole think that books have influenced people more than television has. However, in my opinion, television is one of the most effictive medias for society to move. This is because it is easier to motivate feeling of people and it can convey contents quickly. To begin with, people can be affected by moving images, video. (앞 문장과 뒷 문장 연결이 매끄럽지 못 합니다. affected되는 거랑 어디서든 티비 볼 수 있는 거랑은 무슨 관계인가요?) Each home has a television in their house. Also you can usually find it wherever you go. Thus, it is so convenient to watch TV that many people can access it easily . Moreover, people understand well because it is shown with audio. Therefore, televisions can make people to change their idea easier. Let me bring up my personal experience for an example. When I was a high school student. I read a book about environment for my homework. It said that a number of species on Earth were dying so we ought to consider environment in daily life. Despite of the warning about my behavior, I did not reflect on myself. On the other hand, I watched a documentary program on environment in a class. I saw many polar bears lost their house and died. Watching the program, I felt sorry sincerely and I thought that people must not contaminate place animals live. On top of that, it is convenient to get up-to-date information from television. People try to watch it whenever there is an accident in their country. TV programs always deal with recent accidents or urgent news. On the other hand, it takes long time to make books for specific events. Also, people needed concentration and enough time to read a book entirely. There was a poll conducted by DS, one of the most renowned research centers in South Korea, with its undergraduates as respondents. it asked people about media preference and the majority of them replied that they ranked TV over books or other medias as an favorite media. they said that TV can update new information very fast with video and audio. This proves that TV is helpful when people want to access latest situation happening on the world easily.
이것도 conclusion은 없는 건가요? conclusion이 있어야 에세이가 완성된다고 볼 수 있습니다. summary라도 조금 써주는 것 중요합니다. 어휘 오류나 문법 오류는 빈번한 편입니다. 문장의 뜻이 중간에 끊기는 듯 한 부분도 보입니다. 제 생각에는 기본적인 문법 공부가 더 필요할 것 같고, 추가로 더 다양하게, 문장에 맞는 어휘 사용하는 방법 공부 하셔야 할 것 같습니다. |