Recently, as machines are intelligent, there are a lot of things for them to do, such as in the field of education and production. Consequently, human enjoys the convenience of them. Robots are replacing human labor, resulting in some benefits and harms. I will explain by giving two aspects.
To begin with, robots can increase productivity of companies. It will result in the rise of revenue and bring companies a big success. As the feature of endurance and consistency in robots, they work out. Samsung, a major company in South Korea, has a good example of this. From last year, Samsung has introduced brilliant robots, helping production of cars. It said that robots would make the manufacture process easier, and this year, it replaced all human workforce with machines. On the first quarter, the amount of cars produced and the profit surged a lot by one hundred percent. Furthermore, manufactured cars have no any faults in itself. Formerly, when cars were produced by humans in person, a few faults were found. As cars are being perfect, customers’ satisfaction goes up. If Samsung had not substitute robots for humans, it would not have experienced a big hit.
In contrast, robots have a certain side effect to humans. The problem is that people can lose their job, which is a serious crisis for countries. Additionally, people who lost what they had done felt depression and frustrated. My father’s case is suitable for this. A few years ago, my father was laid off by his company. This is because all production process was substituted by robots so that all workers had to look for a new job. After that, my father became a job hunter. However, nowhere wanted him because he was old enough. In the end, my father suffered from depression, feeling that he could not make it. Although he managed to get a job few months ago, almost all employees cannot even take that opportunity. This can bring about the loss of workforce in societies, decreasing competitiveness.
As machines are becoming as perfect as humans, they are being utilized in many fields. Of course, it cannot be ignored the convenience machines brought. However, due to robots, people lose their footing and it makes societies and people being devastated.
약간의 문장적인/문법적인 오류는 계속해서 보이는 편입니다.
또 어휘도 많이 반복적으로 나타나, 연결이 힘들어보이는 부분도 있습니다.
다만 주장 자체는 논리적인 편이고, 이에 대한 supporting detail들도 상황에 적절하게 잘 작성해주신 듯 하여, 내용은 좋습니다.
제 생각에는 문장 쓰기 연습과 formal한 글 많이 읽어보시면 글 쓰기 능력이 더 좋아질 것 같습니다