▶ Your Answer :
Some people are attracted
to dangerous sports or activities that might even risk their lives. Doing
activities that can threaten one’s own life voluntarily can’t be understood by
many people. However, there lies a strong impetus behind these behaviors. Doing
dangerous activities can make you realize what life means to you and it can
also give you a tremendous sense of accomplishment.
To start with, by facing hazardous situation,
people can realize the meaning of life. Most people live a tedious, ordinary
life. It is not easy for them to realize and appreciate the meaning of life on daily
basis. However, when people face a situation that is threatening their life, they
suddenly come to appreciate the value of their life. Life itself and every moment
of it become so special and precious. A recent study done by University of
Toronto states that after experiencing a hazardous situation, people are
inclined to appreciate and feel thankful toward their life. Hence, doing dangerous
activity can make your life more precious and invaluable.
On top of that, challenging a dangerous task and
achieving success can get you more than enough sense of accomplishment. People
have a tendency to avoid dangerous and difficult tasks, especially when it comes
to a task that risks their life. However, when they go on to try the dangerous
task and manage to succeed it, the sense of fulfillment they will encounter is huge.
That one experience can make them feel better about themselves. For instance, I
went on a trip to Pusan, where Bungee jumping was available. I didn’t want to
try the jump because I was frightened of the height. However, I managed to do
the bungee jumping. I’ve always considered myself as a timid and indecisive
little girl. However, after the jump, my view about myself has completely changed.
I felt great about myself and came to love myself better.
To sum up, dangerous activity can get people
realize the meaning of life and achieve great sense of accomplishment. They
must be the reasons why some people have fixation on doing hazardous activities
or sports.
에세이 조리있게 잘 작성해주셨습니다. 전체적인 에세이 structure잘 맞춰서 작성하신 거 같고, 주장도 논리적인 편입니다. 예시도 상황에 맞게 잘 작성해주신 듯 하여, 읽기에 가독성 좋아보입니다 다만 어휘가 많이 반복되고, 쓰던 문장 형식이나 문법 어구를 그대로 다시 중복해서 쓰는 경우가 많아보입니다. 조금 더 다양하게 어휘나 표현 쓸 수 있도록 formal한 글 많이 읽으시면 도움 될 것 같습니다
|