▶ Your Answer : Some people think that communication skill is not important when becoming a leader or a politician. However, in my opinion, communication skill is more significant than any other ability to be a leader or politician. There are two reasons. First, it is important to be pursuasive if someone wants to be a leaer or a politician. Second, communication skills can make people manifest their opinion more efficiently.
To begin with, people live in a society.(paragraph를 시작하기에는 조금 생뚱맞은 첫 문장입니다. 주장을 드러낼 수 있는 문장으로 시작해주세요) We cannot maintain our lives solitarily. That is, politics is human business and all the works in politics are processed in a group. So becoming a politician or a leader means that we should convince someone else to do something that we consider is pivotal. Communication skills can be useful tool which can alleviate the burden coming from ensuring others. For example, in my country, there were two politician who wanted to pass the law which enables Korea to import american beef. Yet, one politician was not good at making speech in front of audience. He used to stutter and moreover sometimes he just ignored opponents' opinion regarding they are irrational. It worsened people's point of view about the issue even though his thought did not have any drawback in logical perspective. The other politician, however, tried to embrace opponents' view and endeavored to mitigate their anxiety about importing american beef. Furthermore, his speech skill was formidable, therefore people was convinced to his opinion. Eventually, the former failed to legitimate the law and could not get votes in the next election but the latter succeeded to do it and won the election too.
On top of that, albeit the contents which various opinions try to convey are similar, the audience can receive largely different impressions from them. To explain, a half-full cup of water and half-empty cup of water can be perceived differently. As human beings not only have ratio but also emotion, people do not always judge something perfectly rationally. For example, someone can say that porcelain of Chosun dynasty is too white and it is boring. Others can say it is so white therefore it can symbolize purity of the era. With the same fact, people can state in the contrary ways. People equipped with good communication skills can take advantage of this fact. If they want to persuade the audience, they can make the demerit of the issue become the merit, and vice versa.
To sum up, to be persuasive, communication skills like embracing others and speaking with certainty can be very helpful. Moreover, with communication skills, people can make the issue look better or worse though the facts related with it do not change In this regard, I firmly hold that communication skills are very important to be a leader or a politician.
마지막 문장은 왜 띄어놓으신 건가요? conclusion에 함께 붙여 쓰셔야 합니다. 전체적으로 봤을 떄 someone을 너무 많이 쓰는 것 같습니다 꼭 someone이 필요할 때만 쓰시고 아닌 경우에는 정확한 이름이나, 다른 대명사로 바꿔서 작성해주시면 너무 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법 오류는 계속해서 있는 편인데, 전반적인 문법 복습은 필요해보입니다.. 그리고 어휘도 문장에 전혀 안 맞는 어휘를 쓰신 부분이 꽤 있습니다. 조금 더 다양한 어휘 사용하실 수 있도록 공부해주시면 너무 좋을 것 같습니다 |