▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that work by hand is
more efficient. However, I strongly argue that it is better to do work by
machine rather than by hand for a couple of reasons: saving time to complete
work and using machine give us more
accurate result.
To start off, completing work by machine
is much better than by hand. The reason is that people do not only save their time
but also use it efficiently. When people do
some tasks, it usually takes long time thus, they often
waste their time. On the other hand, if people use machine, what they must
do is just ordering to machine. For example,
when I was in university, I was working on a group project that is making
pottery. It almost took 2 days to complete my project. Nevertheless, the other
group just spent three hours for it thanks to 3D printer. In addition, the
machine uses the time efficiently. When people working on something by hand,
they always have to focus on what they are doing but machine does not. Hence,
people can handle many tasks at the same time.
Second of all, it is more accurate when
people work something on by machine. This is because, although the human
focus on their works, the humans are more likely to make mistake. Yet,
the machine never make mistake if human put correct orders.(위 paragraph반복적) For instance, cafés
in nowadays in Korea usually utilize kiosk
for making payment because they usually do not make mistake on payment.
However, before the kiosk came into everyday life, the cashier had to handle
with their mistake that affected to shop’s income. Also, when customers pay via credit card, the cashier does not need to
worry about mistake while the cash require people to count money carefully by hand.
Thus, the machine always brings the accurate result in our daily life.
To sum up, it is a splendid idea that
working by machine rather that by hand. The reasons are that people can spend
their time efficiently and the result will be more accurate than handmade.
시제 오류 정말 많습니다. 현재형이면 현재, 과거면 과거형 하나 fix해서 작성해주셔야 합니다. something, it같은 애매모호한 대명사를 너무 많이 사용하는 건 피해주세요 어휘의 정확한 용법을 잘 모르시고 쓰는 듯한 부분이 조금 많아 보입니다. 문법 정확히 알고 사용할 수 있도록 공부가 더 필요할 것 같습니다. |