▶ Your Answer :
It might have
seemed that successful life only depends on an individual’s endeavor because
most of the celebrities or successful people emphasize hard-working and
endurance as the key to living a successful life. Moreover, even the famous
quote a word saying “No pain, no gain”, which implies that there is nothing can be acquired without
effort. These general ideas make people consider luck as an unrealistic concept
that can perform only in a dream.
However, in my
opinion, I believe that luck can attribute to making a successful life can be attributed to luck because
we all face unpredictable situations and unregulated circumstances.
To begin with,
without fortune it is hard to succeed since there are so many things interrupt
our life which cannot solve with just laborious work.
During the
lifetime people can bump into unexpected problems (Such as?) and these problems can
collapse might ruin their whole life and perfect plans. In my personal experience, when I
was 9 years old, my math teacher was preparing to study in graduate school to
achieve a master's degree. However, he got a serious accident and came into a
coma. Luckily he came out of a coma and recovered in hospital. (Just refer the story) Later he spent a whole another 2 years for the test but sadly, he couldn't achieve his dream his dream damaged all of a
sudden. Many people experience the same
things as my math teacher. Even though they hard try hard, sudden catastrophe can
blow up everything since no one can predict their future exactly. By contrast,
people who did not work deliberately sometimes hit the jackpot. We cannot
explain the reason, but in real life, few people get a chance to succeed
without their exertion. Without luck how this phenomenon can explain?
Moreover, to
live a successful life with a little a small amount of luck is needful due to the unregulated
circumstances.
People cannot
change the providence of nature even though it can affect their future. For
instance, the a woman who was born in North Korea has a rare chance to get a high
quality of education rather than a woman who was born in South Korea. (Mention the reason why?) Is the woman who decided to be born in North Korea? The answer to this question is “definitely,
not”. Of course, North Korea women might be able to be a successful person if she
tried hard. However, the point is, she is not as lucky as South Korea woman.
To sum up this,
indeed, trying best as possible as you can is very important to be succeeded.
However, without good fortune, it is nearly impossible to live a successful
life because there are many factors which disturb our life which can
deteriorate our plan, dream and even our lives.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- 첫 번째 예시에서 '많은 사람들이 갑작스러운 변수로 인하여, 성공할 기회를 갖지 못한다' 라는 포인트가 상당히 좋은 점이었습니다. 제시된 예시를 조금 더 상세하고 자연스러운 스토리로 보완해주시면 더 좋은 점수가 나올 수 있을 것으로 보입니다. - 두 번째 내용은 주장과 예시가 많이 약한 편입니다. 좋은 나라 뿐 아니라 좋은 가정에서 태어나는 점 등을 추가적으로 언급해주시는 것이 좋겠습니다.
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