▶ Your Answer : Following mass media's development, there are a variety of ways that normal people can get information about celebrities. What celebrities said in their interview or on the SNS is shared and becomes issue among people. Of course people have paid much attention to others in our society, but people today pay too much attention to the personal lives of celebrities. First of all, every behaviors and sayings of celebrities are becoming article. Some reporters write article about what people want to know, while others write article about what people have to know. Because people are curious about celebrities' personal lives, their privacy become articles, and therefore cannot be kept secretly. 주장에 대한 설명이 너무 weak한 상태에서 예시가 나온 것 같아 아쉬워요For example, Koreans are interested in celebrities' dating. Certain media continue to find celebrity couple and announce it on New year's day. Most people wait for their article about new celebrity couple while some people blame it. It is surely celebrities' privacy, but people are still curious about those news and media keep earn money by writing articles about others' privacy. Second, there are always rumors about celebrities. Rumors are various; school life, personality, sponsor, smoking, drugs, etc. To illustrate this point, there was even a television show that reporters talk about rumors about celebrities without saying their names. Also there are many writings saying that "I'm friend of celebrity." and certain celebrity's personality is (mostly) bad or good. However, almost all rumors don't have any evidence or are created stories. Although, people want to know celebrities' rumors and main character of that story to blame them. In short, people today pay too much attention to the personal lives of celebrities. Celebrities' every movements become article to consume and people make and share celebrities' rumors. Celebrities' lives can be opened to people to some extent because of broadcasting programs or magazines, but we should try to keep their privacies at our best.
주장에 대한 설명에 depth가 없습니다. 그냥 관련 fact를 훑고 지나가는 것 같아서 읽으면서 가독성 아쉬웠습니다. 그리고 ing형같은 기본적인 문법 오류들이 보입니다. 다 쓰고나서 proof reading은 필수입니다. 주의해주세요 |