■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : some people think that parents should set strict rules for their children if they want them to succeed in life. Others think that strict rules are not necessary for children to obtain success |
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▶ Your Answer : | Some peolpe might say that parents should make rigorous rules for their childeren if they want to make them succeed in life. Hoewer, I would not agree with the above idea because of subsequent reasons. First, making strict rules for children is constraining their freedom. sencond, it has side effect to children. | First, making strict rules for children is constraining their freedom. To be specific, if parents force them not to do what children would try to do because of rules, even though children might want to do what makes them feel happy, It is violating not only children's liberty but also right to feel happy. Let me bring my personal experience about that. Children who are under the rule that parents made have a lot of constraints of behaviors. They seems unhappy. It means that children are not free to choses what they want to do and they should do what parents seem having them succesful. | In addition, it has side effect to children. To elaborate, It makes children breach the rule by cheating and do worse behavior than they did before the rule. It means that making a rule and compeling children not to break the rule has side effect. According the study done by Korean Children Behavior Reasercher, they found that some children who were under the rules that parents had made steal the car and do violently when there are no supervisors like parents. | In conclusion, because making strict rules for children is constraining their freedom and it has side effect to children, rigorous rules are not needy for children to get the success in their life. In this regard, making rules by parents is not necessary for children.
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어색한 어휘, 문법, 표현은 없는지 궁금합니다