Writing Task 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The bar chart below shows the percentage of Canadian men and woman in different age groups who held gym memberships in 2015.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The bar chart illustrates that the percentage of Canadian males and females with gym memberships by age groups, in the year of 2015.
Overall, it is evident that the percentages of females, from all age groups apart from the age group of 18 to 27, were higher than that of males.
Looking at the
graph more closely, one can see that the figure of males aged 18 to 27 was the
highest with 33.1%, so it was the only age group which was higher than the
figure of females, with 26.9%. However, the portion of males dropped until the
age group of 38 to 47, which had the lowest least percentage. On the contrary, the
portion of females in the same age group was 33.9%, so it showed the largest
gap between men and women in this age group, with 18.9% and 33.9%,
respectively. Notably, the gap between men and women got smaller in the older
groups. Finally, the highest figure for females was 34.1% in the age group of
58 to 67, which was 1% (여기는 퍼센트포인트로 표시해주셔야하는데, 이에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.) higher than the highest figure for males. (추가적으로, 서로 다른 연령대의 성별 수치 비교는 아무 의미를 갖지 않습니다. 현 표에서 중요한 것은 1. 동일 나이대 성별 간 비교, 2. 동일 성별 간 나이대 비교의 두 가지가 됩니다. 각각의 성별에서 수치가 높다고 하더라도, 딱 거기까지이지, 더이상 둘 간의 차이를 비교할 필요도 없고, 그래서도 안 됩니다.)
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
분석이 그럭저럭 잘 되었고, 오류 자체는 없기 때문에 6.5 정도에는 맞춰지겠지만, 문장 구조가 현재 너무 단조롭습니다. 그리고 이로 인해 채점관에 따라 6.0까지 내려갈 확률이 낮게나마 보이고요. 현재 문장들은 죄다 the ~of ~ 구조로만 작성되었기 때문인데, 같은 문장이라도 이를 표현하는 방법으로는 다양한 경우가 있으니까 모범답안을 잘 참고해서 여러 구조를 활용해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)
아래 링크는 꼭 정독해주세요~
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_story&type=url&uid=469234undefined