It is a
common belief that students should not be forced have options not to take art and music
classes at school. However, I firmly believe that art Art and music classes should
be necessarily taken by students. This is because it allows them student to raise
their creativity and provides times to them to de-stress themselves.
To
begin with, taking art and music classes enables students to foster their
creativity. Art and music have been known as a method to express and release people’s
feelings. Expressing how they feel is individual’s own activity (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) that it helps
them to build up a strong sense of creativity. For instance, in the case of
Korea, recently the Ministry of Education advised ministry of Education advice public schools to allot more
drama (넓게 보면 연기수업도 art and music 에 들어간다고 볼 수는 있겠으나, 이런 유추적용은 썩 추천드리지 않습니다.) classes. This was because many Many other subjects such as biology and mathematics tends to
limit students' insight because their they might be forced to learn only what is written
in textbooks.
On top
of that art and music classes create opportunities for students to relieve
stress. As students less considered art and music classed as a study, it provides
time to them to get away studying. For example, many students prefer non-academic
classes such as art and music rather than academic subjects like science and liberal
arts. If public schools do not doesn’t provide these classes mandatorily, students got
pressured on themselves keeping stay focus on their study would suffer from pressure which come from studying for academic subjects
for numerous upcoming exams. Eventually, students might be taken time and a way
away to relieve the stress. It is extremely crucial to students to have a healthy
mind and mental. Thus, the government Government and public institutions have to do their best to help protect and stay having young children maintain a good condition of psychological health
for the future.
To sum
up, organising art and music classes develops creativity and opportunities for
students to be relax. For these reasons, it is important to allocate some school
classes related to art and music to be provided as art an art and music time.
총평: (6/6/6/5) 6.0
본론 두 번째 문단은 미술/음악이 스트레스 해소에 '어떻게' 도움이 되는지 쪽에 더 초점이 맞춰져야지, 스트레스 해소가 왜 중요한지 쪽으로만 너무 쏠려서는 안 됩니다. 후자를 아예 넣지 말라는 말은 아니지만, 그래도 전자와 어느정도 비중 조절을 해주세요~그리고 여기서 6.0이 나왔다고 실전에서도 6.0을 받는 것은 아니므로 이를 염두에 두셔야합니다. 시간 제한+외부 도움(현재는 외부 도움이 있는 상태이죠.) 등의 변수도 고려해야하기 때문입니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)