There is a dedicated hour in my day when I may teleport to a world solely
comprised of myself and my electric guitar. Those moments I have invested in the
instrument have shaped my life for the better in ways that you might not expect.
It very well may have redeemed my life.
Ever since elementary school, I had clogged myself up as tightly as possible.
Because for someone like me who had a harsh time with bullying, it was
terrifyingly difficult to open up to anyone. Once you make an association - that
association that revealing your heart is the equivalent of showing an exploitable
weakness, - you learn to cram your feelings behind an iron door and to lock it
shut. For a few short years, that worked.
However, I soon discovered that there was both a storage limit and an expiration
date on sealed grief. What you keep on lock will eventually go rancid.
In my freshmen year of high school, I discovered myself hauling a suffocating
mass of rotting thoughts.
I also became aware that I had lost the ability to let any of that mental grime out
from the years of closing myself up. My previous expertise on concealing emotion
was now working against me by preventing any healthy release of negativity from
happening. I denied this condition to close ones and struggled to connect with
anyone with any intimacy as I lashed out at those who dared to step closer.
Eventually and perhaps inevitably I have made my way to the suicide risk group
after a high school-wide psychology test. -- the same year my father gifted me
my first electric guitar. The red, shiny Stratocaster was my guitar fanatic father’s
attempt to restore some light into me. Fortunately, it was a success. I clicked with
that instrument like a magnet.
When sound blasted from the amp, I could let something out for a change.
Playing the song ‘Master of Puppets’ displayed my frustration, and the song
‘Comfortably Numb’ expressed my fears. As I strummed the six strings, I could
revel in the full extent of my unfiltered emotions. With each passing session after
session with the guitar, I felt myself being recollected. One day, it led to opening
up to my family. Another, to the school therapist. I didn’t magically become
perfect, no, but I managed to power through high school while making some
friends at the very least.
Since then, a very recent incident had tested my resolve on handling emotions.
This October, a very close friend of mine, who I’ve met in high school and had
made it to the same college with, passed away. For the first time in my life,
I attended a funeral service and saw cremated ash.
That day, when I got home, I sat down with my guitar and just played for hours
without end. With the melodies played that day, I acknowledged how I was
dumbstruck, shaken and anguished. Thereafter, I was still in sorrow, of course, but
it was bearable. And to be able to bear that, I can tell you all here with good
authority that is not something a broken high school student in denial could have
done. I realized how much more tenacious I had become since I first held a guitar,
how much more accepting I’ve become of myself and my inner turmoil.
In retrospect, I have grown every time I played the guitar. I play in a band now,
where I connect with others through music and express myself on stage in front of
an audience. Would you believe that this is the same person as the lonely high
school student who constantly contemplated suicide? You wouldn't. I don't either.
The guitar at present is no longer my only method of self-expression, but for
obvious reasons, it still holds its place as the most cherished one. Hence, to this
second, the guitar remains as my greatest passion. A passion that made, shaped
and fixed the individual standing here before you.
Discovering something to truly understand and express yourself with is what I’d
like to recommended to everyone in this room. It doesn’t have to be about music
like my case. Just anything. For I’ve discovered from my own personal experiences
that that is what makes living life in this bizarre and hectic world just a little more
tolerable. In the end, that method of expression, that method of understanding is
just what might save you.
Thank you very much.