▶ Your Answer :
Currently, colleges and universities have many extracurricular activities, such as clubs, events, festivals. Some people think that sports and social activities are not as crucial as classes and libraries. However, schools should support financially at the same price compared to classes and libraries because students can relieve their stress and improve their relationships. 무슨 뜻인가요, concise하게 적는 것 중요합니다
First of all, students can reduce their stress by playing sports and doing social activities. They are under a lot of stress and pressure due to this competitiveness of today's society. By doing the activities, they can forget about their school works and enjoy the moment. Also, Reducing stress helps students to do their work more efficiently. For example, in my case, when I was in college, I had suffered from my school works, I had usually got a lot of stress form the works. However, I had used many methods to diminish stress. The most effective activities are sports and social activities. This is because I could forget about my schoolwork since I had to focus on the work for winning games.
Moreover, students can enlarge and enhance their relationships with other people or their friends. If they take part in sports and social activities, they have to spend time with other people. This creates opportunities to communicate and exchange thoughts together. Also, by doing the activities, they can maintain their relationships since relationships depend on the number of interactions and how often they interact with other people. For example, in my case, when I take classes, I have met many people and share our phone number and do some activities together during the semester. However, after the term, I had not had opportunities to talk to them or do activities together. This had made our relationships cut off.
Lastly, sports and social activities are good for students' future careers. What this means is that many companies tend to consider not only their school work such as GPA and how many they had taken difficult classes but also their social and communication. This is proven by how many times they had participated in sports and social activities, such as club activities, student principal of a school, and others. For example, according to data of people who are admitted to global companies, they had joined in many social activities such as honor club and staff of school festivals. Also, companies interviewers said that sociability is one of the most important factors that they evaluate. These factors help students to be employed and this is helpful for colleges and universities' annual results. This clearly shows that sports and social activities aid students' future careers.
In conclusion, sports and social activities should be funded costs like classes and libraries from schools. Students can be less stressed because they can forget about their school works when they do the activities. This makes them study more efficiently. Also, students broaden and get better in their relationships since they have to do activities together. Lastly, sports and social activities have positive effects on students' future careers since companies prefer to hire students who are sociable.
우선 이유가 너무 vague합니다. 너무 기본적인데다가 supporting detail자체도 약한 편입니다. 예시도 너무 장황하게 나오지 않았나 생각이 들고 문장 자체도 약간 light 한 편입니다 토플은 formal한 시험이란 걸 계속 기억해야 합니다. 문장 무게있게 적도록 해주세요.
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