▶ Your Answer :
If
people travel a country, they visit a restaurant, heritage, and other places.
Since it is almost impossible to visit everywhere, people have a plan about what
they focus on visiting, such as cuisine or landscape. Some people think that if
people want to find the most efficient way to learn about a country, they
should visit a museum. However, part-time jobs and living in a house are better
than visiting a museum for learning about a country because they can enlarge
their relationships and learn about their lifestyle directly.
First
of all, speaking of a part-time job, the best way to learn about a country is interacting
with other people, and a part-time job is good for relationships. If people
take part-time jobs, they have to contact other people. This is because people
have to learn what they have to do from manager of the jobs. Also, some jobs
communicate with not only other members but also consumers or visitors. For
example, some people bring a little money and work just part-time for
experiencing countries’ cultures. After coming back to their hometown,
they usually said that interacting with other people is the most impacted way
to learn about a country. However, if they visit a museum, they just look at ancient
items, and there are few opportunities to chat with other people. This clearly
shows that part-time jobs are better than visiting a museum due to interacting
with other people.
The second way is living in a house with native families of the countries that people
visit. What this means is that if people live with native people, they have to
eat cuisines of the countries. One of the most important factors for learning
about a country is to know about their foods. Also, they can learn how they
live their life because by living with native families, they should follow
their lifestyle. Then, they can gain information directly by feeling the
lifestyle, which is helpful for memorizing forever. According to a study done
by KIE, the most efficient way to learn about something is to experience it,
and reading letters can make people forget about them easily. Then, if people
visit a museum, they just read letters and looked heritages. This clearly shows
that staying in a house with native people is a more effective way to learn
about a country since they can learn about their lifestyle and food culture.
In
conclusion, there are stronger ways to learn about a country, particularly
part-time jobs and living in a house than visiting a museum. There are so many
opportunities to talk to other people when they do part-time jobs. Also, people
can feel directly their lifestyles and cuisine cultures by residing in a house
with native people.
문장들이 약간씩 기본적이기는 합니다. 그냥 기본적이고 짧게 끝나기는 하는데, 그게 아쉽습니다. 최대한 다양한 문장 형식을 사용한다면 (질문이나, 수동태 같이) 너무 좋을 것 같아요. 그리고 어휘도 많이 반복됩니다. 에세이 시작 전에 어느정도 이 어휘가 많이 나오겠다 싶으면 동의어 미리 정리해두고 시작하는것을 추천드립니다. conclusion에서 내용 정리 한 것 아주 좋습니다. 다만 조금 더 다른 단어로 paraphrase해서 썼다면 더 좋았을 것 같습니다 |