▶ Your Answer : A/Ds Reading paper materials is better than watching electronic devices to gain information.
Undeniably, means of gaining information play a significant role in many of the places where they work or play. Some people might think that printed reading materials are more useful than watching electronic devices to gain information, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that watching electronic devices is a better way to gain information. This is my opinion and below is my example.
First of all, utilizing electronic devices is greatly helpful for people. With the spread of Information Technology, modern people have easy access to a wide range of information regardless of time and distance. Electronic devices such as iPhone or Ipad made our life so much easier. This is because they allow people to bring a small electronic device rather than a bunch of books. When I was in college, I used to submit my assignments late many times. It spent much time to go to the library and sort out information by reading throughout all printed materials. However, after using a new Ipad my father bought, I was able to find any information with a touch of the screen. I could do my assignments on time with ease. Without the device, I could have been able to feel comfortable.
On top of that, reading paper materials takes up a lot of storage. When I was a high school student, I moved to Seoul from Gyeongsan in order to enter Seoul University. However, moving along with all the books was really hard for me. Finally, I donated half of books and I should buy similar books after a move. I felt buying a similar book is a waste of money. In this sense, I think it is better to gain information by watching electronic devices.
To sum up, Trying to utilize electronic devices, that is a desirable way to gain information. All in all, I strongly believe that using electronic devices far outweigh those of reading paper materials for the reasons I have mentioned above.
콤마 쓰는거 주의해주세요. 우선 주장에 대한 설명이 너무 약한 것 같습니다. 더 자세하고 detail한 설명이 필요할 것 같아요. 설득력있게 문장 쓸 수 있도록 하는 것도 중요합니다 어휘 많이 반복/기본적입니다. 최대한 다양하게 표현 쓸 수 있도록 하는 것이 가장 중요합니다. 그리고 conclusion에서 주장 다시 paraphrase해서 적는 것이 좋습니다
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