▶ Your Answer :
The topic of the politeness of modern
people is always intriguing because people are living in a so busy world and easy to
lose their courtesy. Some people deem that not expecting the politeness in hectic places but I strongly believe that we need to stay polite however much
busy we are.
First of all, as we are getting more and
more weary with so much stress due to the tight schedule and rushing
environment, (Unnecessary) we need to be politer to others not to harm others’ emotion. To be
specific, the people who already are emotionally exhausted (about what?) can hardly bear
unpleasant situations. For example, we commonly heard about a tragic anecdote
about a fierce argument sometimes leading to a murder by a person who got were so busy
and get too much stress that lost his ability to rationally judge a situation
and control himself. Therefore, people easily get angry about others people who are
not polite to them and make the situations worse when they are in a busy
situation. According to a survey conducted by the Seoul National University,
most of the surveyed people responded that when they are busy, they tend to
become fiercer than when they are not so busy. Additionally, the respondents
commented that when they become fierce and keen to surroundings, they easily
become mad at impolite people. This proves how much important is to be polite
to others especially in a rushing mood.
Also, keeping a polite attitude to others all
the times shows effectiveness in forming good relationship with them. This is
because people always regard polite people as good partners to have relationships.
As the competitions in every place are getting intense, modern society requires
people to have sociability as well as specialty to succeed success. Therefore, in order for one to get closer to success, not only social skills but also interpersonal relationships
are mandatory. From this aspect, being polite will pave more convenient ways to
reach a successful life. My personal experience can prove this point. When I
was in university, I participated in a dancing competition with other crews in
my team. At the dancing competition, we wanted to alleviate not only our
tension but also others’ and started to greet others with smile in front of the
gate. Then, every participant remembered us and after on we could have a lot of
new friends. We still keep in touch with other dancers who we met on the
competition and appreciate for the opportunities to share ideas and fun with
them. Like this, being courteous brings us the opportunities to meet new
friends and build strong human networks.
To sum up, I strongly believe that my
explanations above show the advantages of the polite attitude especially in busy places. The significance of courtesy cannot be overemphasized.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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3
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3
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3
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3
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Score
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Fair 19-21
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Topic sentence 이하 general statement 이 대략 6줄 정도로 상당히 긴 편이에요. 또한 being busy한 내용을 다소 억지로 끼어맞추는 느낌이 강합니다. 주로 minor한 내용이나 불필요한 내용은 생략하여, 내용을 더욱 명료하게 만들어주세요.
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