▶ Your Answer :
There
might be some people who believe that the extended family is still very
important. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two
subsequent reasons. First, the extended family rarely live in the same
household. Second, more people are moving away from their hometowns to study or
work.
To begin
with, extended family members seldom live in the same household these days.
They spend much less time together because people today are too busy to visit
other family members' houses which are far from their places. This means that
they are significantly less involved in each other's lives. For example, when
my mother was a child, most extended family members lived in the same house. My
mother hung out with her cousins and interacted with them, so she was very close
to them. In contrast, I only meet my cousins once or twice a year at a family
gathering, so I do not have close relationships with them. This is because we grew up
in difference houses and have not spent much time together. We will never be an
important part of each other's lives.
On top of
that, many people leave their hometowns to seek for good quality education and careers. This is mainly because
big cities have more jobs and education opportunities than countries so that most of
the younger people are moving to cities. On the other hand, the elderly remain
in their hometowns. This means that people today often live in different cities
or countries than their family. According to a poll conducted by the Chinese
government, 20 percent of Chinese college students answered that they have a
desire to emigrate after graduation abroad to study or gain a job, even though
it meant that they couldn't would almost never see their families often. This result was made,
even though China is a country where most people have felt that extended
families are important. (Why did you mention this?) This clearly shows that the importance of extended
families that people have thought is getting less these days.
In
conclusion, extended family members do not usually share a home, and people are
indefinitely relocating to areas away from where they grew up. In this regard,
I feel that the extended family is not as important as it was in the past.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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3
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3
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2
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2
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Score
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Fair 17-19
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- 이유가 대체적으로 simple하고 각각의 논지를 convincing하기에 부족한 느낌이 들어요. - 특히 china와 같이 반대의 입장을 서술하실 때에는 그와 관련한 내용이 비슷하게 흘러가야 하고, 적절한 때에 넣어주셔야 합니다. 그렇지 않다면, 생략해주시는 것이 좋습니다.
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