▶ Your Answer :
The Korean government is reducing the class of sports, which shows that
the government regards sports as the an extra curriculum, not the a major one. It is also
happens happening in universities.
University students barely have an opportunity to participate in the outdoor
or indoor activities. However, I believe that sports are an important part in our lives as
much as the knowledge as important as knowledge in
our lives. I agree with the statement that universities should pay the
same money for sports and libraries.
First of all, sports are essential not only to make peoples’ lives healthy, but
also to help people to have healthy minds. Lots of philosophers of education have insisted
that the people having the basic knowledge and good abilities of
sports are able to be promising leaders, which means that sports help people be
upright. By joining the sports activities,
people can be developed in terms of spirit. Participating in sports activities could be helpful for students to
have lessons as much as books.
On top of that, modern scientists have proved that those who work out
regularly tend to have higher scores in their curriculums. Students who
exercise more than four hours a week are able to concentrate on their works. This
shows that sports actually help improve students’ educational achievements by developing their health. In my case, the scores
are getting higher after I had started working out regularly and strengthening myself. This is also because I could improve the my physical abilities
and concentration.
To conclude, sports are not just
outdoor activities to release stress or get along with other team members.
Sports are one of ways to make our spirit much healthier, and to let us improve
the ability to focus on the other works. Universities should notice the
benefits of sports and spend more money for students to work out in better
facilities. It must be helpful for students’ physics and educational goal.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment:
전체적으로 포인트도 잘 잡아주셨고 글의 흐름도 괜찮습니다. 하지만
문법 오류가 여기저기 발견이 되어서 감점요소가 될 듯 합니다.
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