▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that parents should spend a lot of time
playing games or sports with their children. Others think that parents should
devote more time to doing schoolwork with them.
There are some people who believe that parents should spend
their time on academic study with their kids rather than playing games or
sports. However, in my opinion, I personally disagree with the above ideas and
I firmly assert that playing games of sports is better to them for the two subsequent reasons. First, children can be emotionally stable. Second, parents' educating is not effective.
First and foremost, when children have a lot of time with
their parents, they have emotional stability. This is due to the fact that by
playing sports or game, their relationship can be better become good since there are no
competition and burden about studying in opposition to academic subjects. Let me bring up my
personal anecdote as an example. When I
was in middle school, my mother and father always tried to spend more time with me. We
played soccer game that was the most favorite sport at that time. The activities
helped me to relieve a lot of stress and relax because at that time I was really
stressful about entering the middle school. There was intense competition for getting a good
grades between students in order to get a permission from the best colleges which affect better college. However, by playing games, I could understand can feel my
parent's minds, and also they encouraged me to do my best without any pressure. Come to
think of it, I had a strong family bond by the sports activities.
On top of that, parents' tutoring cannot help children to
improve their ability related to schoolwork. This is because it is difficult
for parents to assess accurately their children's capability. Almost all
parents believe that their kids have quite a high level of academic performance
regardless of their grades. Their greed gives kids too much burdensome. Beyond
the typical phenomena, there is a recent study which substantiate my point of
view. According to a poll conducted by Korea Gallup with parents and their
children in various income levels as respondents, the parents' education was
rarely efficient and effective. The purpose of the survey was to understand the
consensus views about how they think about study together. A mother of a middle
school girl stated in the survey that she just reprimanded her daughter and the
tutoring time studying together with her mom didn't help her cannot earn any better performance. This was because it was is hard
for her to understand her daughter's level in school. Another boy in a first
year of middle school said that his parents just want to get good grades and
there was no explanation when he received parents' assistance. This validates parents'
aid with regard to study cannot make good result.
To sum up, it is better for parents and their kids to have a
great time by enjoying sports or playing games since parents can provide their
children psychological stability and it is not possible to make good education
between parents and their children. In this regard, a lot of playing game or
sports is better.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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3
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3
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3
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3
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Score
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Fair 19-22
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다소 불필요한 전치사구 쓰임이나 시제가 틀리는 등의 어법실수가 많이 보이는 편이에요. 또한 두 번째의 문제의 경우 parent's tutoring의 ineffectiveness 에 대해 서술하셨는데, 이 주장보다는 by spending time doing sports with kids 에 대한 장점의 측면에서 내용을 전개하시는 것이 더 좋을 것 같아요.
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