There is a famous
Japanese novel about how social networks have changed people's life lives in a positive way. The story is about a teenage
girl who solves the problem of bullying through the
internet. As this story shows, the invention of the
internet has positive effects on our civilization.
To start with, internet access helps us communicate with people all around the
world. To illustrate, we can write emails to people living on the other side of
the world and people can keep in touch through Facebook. Also, people can do cultural Exchange through pen-pal. The internet provides us with a lot of
opportunities to learn about the other countries and communicate with various
people. To be specific, the boarders between countries are being (being 보다 becoming 이 더 어울릴 것 같아요.) vague and people are starting to admit the difference
and have the concept of living together by learning about other countries
through the internet. According to the Canadian Bureau, 70% of the Canadian people are
considering the internet as a great way to
communicate with various people. Also, 67% of
the Canadian students were using the internet to
learn about other countries and cultures and these students were open minded
and accepted the difference between people. Therefore, the
internet provides us opportunities to communicate with a lot of people.
In addition to this, the internet
helps workers live better lives. To be specific, employees can work at any time
at anywhere through the internet and get access
to information more easily. Thanks to the
internet, workers do not have to get up early to go to the workplace and get
ready for work. Say a reporter has to write an article about education.
Traditionally, the reporter has to visit various education related offices to
get information about the current education
system and visit schools to see how the education is applied and interview
students, teachers, and government officials in the
department of education. This would take the whole day for the reporter to
write an article. However nowadays, the reporter simply has to get into the
homepage of the education department to see the current education system and
find flaws and advantages to of the
system. The reporter can prepare ahead about the interview questions and can
easily interview the appropriate person. This would reduce the effort into
half. The CEO of Samsung, a Korean electronics company, said on one of his
interviews that letting workers to work with internet increases the
company’s production by 13%, and workers have
high satisfaction with their work. In this aspect, the
internet aids workers to live easier lives.
In conclusion, the internet has more advantages than disadvantages for our
civilization in that the internet boosts
communication and helps workers live better lives.
Writing 0-30
Score Scale
Good (24-30)
Overall Comment:
글의 흐름도 잘 잡아주셨고, 포인트도 잘 잡아주셨어요. 예시도 잘 들어주셨고요. 하지만 아쉬운 점은 문법상 ‘the’의 사용 및 of, by 사용이 조금 미숙하신 것 같아요. 조금만 더 연습하시면
더 좋은 글을 쓰실 수 있을 것 같습니다!