▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays,
many people work in order to manage from live in
the competitive society. Especially, the number
of working women have has been
increasing compared to in the past. Many merreid married women used to prepare meals two or three times
at home before, but it became difficult to prepare meals because they also need to work in the modern
society. Therefore, food has become easier to
prepare. (일하는 여성의 수가 늘었다 -> 따라서 음식을 하기가 더 쉬워졌다..? 앞뒤가 안 맞습니다.) I will explain the reasons below. (무슨 내용을 다루려고 하는 지 첫 문단만 보고선 파악이 안 갑니다. 음식이 하기 쉬워졌다가 결론인가요, 아니면 일하는 여성의 수가 늘었다는 게 포인튼가요?)
To
begin with, prepared food can save time for working people. Many merried
married women in South Korea usually prepare
meals. However, they also work, so they do not have enough time to prepare
foods. Prepared food or frozon frozen food
hlep help them to save time. Thus,
it can reduce their burden in preparing food. that
is preparation food. (아직까지도 내리고 싶은 결론이 뭔지 모르겠습니다.)
Second,
they can save money and have good quailty quality
foods. In general, those kinds of food have less
quailty quality becasue because they who are food companies use not frash
ingredients to make profit the companies that
produce these foods did not make use of fresh ingredients in order to make
profit. However, now, they use frash food and try to make good quilty
However, they now use fresh ingredients to make foods
of great quality. (위 주장의 근거를 대주세요.) Besides, technology has developed to make prepared food. Therefore, we
can consider our health. I have an example
of this. I am a university student. My friends
always go to reataurants restaurants at
lunch time. It's a burden for me to get by with
my pocket money, so I determined decided
to buy prepared food. Besides Afterwards,
my friends followed my way to have lunch. (prepared
foods가 몸에 좋다는 예시를 들으신다고 했는데, 그러지 않으셨어요.)
In conclusion, prepared food is useful in the modern society. If food had not developed for
working people or students, we would not have lived conveniently. It is benifical
benificial for everyone.
(결론도 부실합니다.)
Writing
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Comment: |
우선적으로 문법 오류가 너무
많습니다. 전체적인 문법 연습을 하셔야 할 것 같아요. 위에 지적해 드린 것처럼, 인트로 및 결론이 매우 부실합니다. 예시도 부적절하고요.
위 지적사항들을 참고 부탁 드려요. |
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