▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, working with other people plays a significant role in people’s daily work in many of places where they play or work. Some people think that being able to can work with other people is more critical than it was before, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that being able to work with other people is not more critical than the past. There are several reasons as follows. To begin with, nowadays, people are able to work together with other people from different backgrounds because of globalization. It exposes them to help to different lifestyles, customs and cultures in their workplace. Such exposure enables them to acknowledge that different lifestyles exist, to understand this diversity and to ultimately be comfortable with it. For example, when I was 20 years old, I worked did a part-time job at a cafeteria. I saw one of my co-worker from Ethiopia dealt with problem without discussion with me. I felt very uncomfortable by his behavior because I thought that debating is an important thing to work together. However, as the world is getting globalized, I have gotten get more opportunities to work with African country’s people. By doing work working with them, Ii realized that they hate causing harm to other people. Also, working of their working culture are consisted of personal ways. I no longer feel awkward about their way to deal with problem and can be make a good co-worker. '협동하는 능력'이 과거보다 더 중요한지 묻는 질문이기 때문에 그 중요성에 대해 논해야 해요. 현재 답안은 글로벌화가 돼서 사람들이 다양성에 대해 편하게 느낀다는 설명일 뿐 협동성에 대한 답변이 되지는 못하는 것 같아요. On top of that, people tended to have negative views to work with other people in at the past, especially, when they felt a huge widening gap between the poor and the rich among the workers. However, when it is getting better the growth of economy and a widening wide gap between the poor and the rich have decreased was shorter than the past, it can contribute to overall happiness in workers' worker’s life. For example, South Carolina University found a huge difference between one group’s past and today of worker’s in workers' sense of accomplishment. These The group of the past was consisted of those felt a huge a gap between the poor and the rich among workers. But nowadays these groups show shorter the gap by 15 percent of GDP than the past. The researchers found the latter likely to get overall satisfaction satisfy in their life as well as sense of accomplishment than the former by 40 percent. This implies that growth of economy can contributed to feeling comfortable about working with other people. 마찬가지로 협동능력의 중요성과는 관련이 없는 문단이니 off-topic이 됩니다. All things considered, I strongly argue that nowadays cooperation is people are not more critical than before for the reasons as I mentioned above. Working with other people nowadays is more comfortable than the past.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (1-16) ✓ Fair (17-23) Good (24–30)
지금 답안은 사람들이 다른 사람들과 일할 때 더 편하게 느끼는지에 대해서 설명하고 있습니다. 질문 내용은 '협동력이 과거에 더 중요했는지, 아니면 요즘 더 중요한지'를 물어보고 있어요. 과거보다 협동이 쉬워졌는지/아닌지를 묻는 문제가 아니기 때문에 지금 답안은 off-topic이 됩니다. 주제에 맞게 답안을 다시 구성해보시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 품사오류나 수일치, 시제, 태 등 문법오류도 많은 편이니까 조금 더 꼼꼼하게 작문에 신경써주셔야 할 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다~! |