▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think that rearing
children in a rural area is more advantageous than in an urban region. In my
opinion, I strongly agree with that statement because staying at the
countryside helps children to maintain their health at a better condition and
provides them with a safe environment for growth. (GOOD)
First of all, children who are raised in a
suburb tend to be in a good shape, compared to those who are not. To be more
specific, in modern days, people living in a city undergo severe environmental
pollution on water and air. This makes them susceptible to harmful diseases
related to respiratory or digestive system. On the other hand, those who inhabit
countryside enjoy clean surroundings with significantly little pollution,
compared to an urban area. Thus, it enables them to breathe in fresh air and
drink unpolluted water while they dwell in the place, helping to preventing the
residents from coming down with the ailments relating to respiration or
digestion. As an example, a few months ago, I moved to Seoul which is the
capital city of Korea with my son, Dooley, who is a five year boy. One day, he
began to suffer from asthma and stomachache suddenly, so I had to bring him to a doctor at a local
clinic. The physician diagnosed Dooley’ illnesses as an allergic reaction
against fine dust in the metropolis and fluorine used to purify sewage. He
suggested that we had better leave the city immediately for my son’s health. Therefore,
I went to a small town in a rustic area with uncontaminated nature and resided
for a while. Eventually, my son recovered his health fully as he had been. (GOOD)
On top of that, the country has secure circumstances
for growing youngsters to a great extent. To explain, in general, cities are bustle
and hustle places with millions of dwellers, causing many problems, ranging
from traffic accidents to violent crimes. These are detrimental threats against the security of children in the city. However, rural districts are sparsely populated zones within a peaceful
atmosphere. Hence, parents can bring up their children safely in the rustic
areas. For instance, according to a survey from the National Police Agency in
Korea, a huge number of people have rushed into Busan, the second largest city
of Korea, to seek job openings, since 2010. Due to the large population, a lot
of terrible incidents, such as child sexual abuse and kidnapping, are
increasing to a great degree. What is worse, most cities in the nation also are
in trouble with such criminal offenses among their numerous citizens. On the
contrary to this situation, Cheonghak-dong, a small village located in a deep
forest in Korea, has been a crime-free region with only a few villagers, since
the establishment of the hamlet. What is better, the town is famous for
traditional etiquette education for both little boys and girls. Likewise, many
of other towns in Korea are almost safe and calm districts without serious law
violations. In this regard, it is true that raising children in a countryside is
safer than in an urban district. (GOOD)
In conclusion, although some argue that it
is better for parents to rear their kids in cities, thanks to advantageous
things the places provide like plenty of schools, I firmly believe that
bringing up children in quiet suburbs is more desirable since they can stay
healthy and grow up in non-risky surroundings.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 자신의 주장/부연설명/예시 모두 적절히 작성된 글입니다. 수고하셨습니다.
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