▶ Your Answer :
It is true that invention of a car has made impact on our society to
the some extent. However, I should choose invention of an airplane if I have to
choose either of them as to which one has made a great impact on our society
because of more advanced technology used in airplane and its usefulness in
regard to long distant movement.
First of all, technologies which have been
developed along with advancement of airplanes far outweigh those of cars. 바로 사례를 제시하기보다 실제로 많은 기술이 함께 발전했고 영향을 미쳤다는 점을 명시적으로 서술해주세요. 독립형은 주장에 대한 논리적인 설명을 평가하므로 주장에 대한 설명을 2-4문장 정도 제시한 뒤에 사례로 넘어가는 편이 점수에 더 유리합니다. Carbon-fiber
is demonstrated as one good example to support this idea. Great efforts
lightening an airplane in order to save fuels in operating an airplane have
been led to invention of carbon fiber. It contributes to not only saving fuels
used by airplanes, but also many other industries being applied of this
technology. It lightens smart phones, lab tops, and cooking utensils, all of
which are closely connected with our ordinary life. Furthermore, it even
expedites weight lightening of cars by this technology being applied to car
industry. It well proves superior technology of an airplane compared to a car
and the fact that airplanes have had more influence on influential to our society.
Second, an airplane enables dramatic time
shortening which a car is unable to do. It is difficult to imagine a person
living in Seoul city goes to Paris by car, which yet takes less than half a day
by an airplane. Although destination is relatively close like city of Tokyo, it
is impossible to go to there because there is sea between two cities. It well
demonstrates an airplane can make people travel to where a car cannot go do,
therefore shows its superiority over a car in terms of transportation vehicle. Like
this fashion, an airplane makes people go further, faster and where they cannot
go by a car, thereby having a greater impact than a car. airplane이 사회에 미친 영향을 중심으로 내용을 구성해주세요. 단순히 자동차로는 못 가는 곳이 많다, 비행기는 멀리 간다, 하는 내용만으로는 '영향'을 보여줄 수 없습니다. 해외로의 이동을 가능하게 해 줌으로써 사회가 얻은 혜택이나 변화를 주장으로 생각해보시면 좋을 것 같아요.
Consequently,
I agree that cars have made an impact on our society, but disagree that
airplanes are less influential compared to cars. Considering technology and long
travel that airplanes air planes have brought to us, airplanes have made more influence
on our society than cars have done to us. Writing 0–30 score scale Fair (17-18) 기본적인 내용 방향은 reasonable합니다. 답안이 논리적 단계구성을 잘 드러낼 수 있도록 구성을 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 두괄식 문형으로 문단을 서술하고 주장에 대한 설명을 어느정도 제시해서 '단계적 구성, 적절한 설명' 항목의 점수도 cover할 수 있게끔 신경써주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^ |