▶ Topic :
The internet access should be free of
charge. In my opinion, the internet access should not
be free of charge. Most importantly, more and more businesses
require people who are not only specialist in their fields but also skilled
in social interaction. (Incomplete sentence) In the rapidly changing environment of science and
economy no task can be done by a single person. Given the need for
collaboration, social skills and team spirits are necessary qualifications for
any successful person. Clearly not allowing internet free of charge would
restrict the amount of people using the internet and wasting precious time for unnecessary things. If paying the price for the internet use the internet was restricted by paying the price, people
would develop their social interactive skills and build a more promising future
by doing other stuff such as engaging with other activities with other people.
A study from university of California indicated that those who spend less time
on the internet had more spare time on doing to be used on things that are practical activities for
their lives life. For example, they spend time with their family or did do sports to
enhance their health.
Second, people can find emotional relief by staying being away from the internet because it is effective for boosting people’s
moods. Today, many people get weary with too much stress. By staying being away from
the internet, people can temporarily forget about their problems and gain some
breathing space. In this case, getting free access to internet would be harmful
and would cause people’s stress. Thus, the effective way to reduce stress would
be to reduce the time spent on internet. My personal experience can be used to prove
this point. Every morning, I have to get through a traffic congestion to go to
work and read through countless texts. To make matters worse, I get exhausted
coping with work my subordinates and bosses through computer. Hence as a way to
relieve my stress I regularly do sports. I believe this really helps me to
relax and alleviate tension.
In conclusion, I believe the internet
access should be banned as it reduces the time for people to enhance their
interactive skills and also alleviate their stress.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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2
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2
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2
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2
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Score
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Limited 16-18
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인트로와 첫 번째 바디의 구분이 명확하지 않고 주제와 관련하지 않은 unnecessary template이 많이 보이기 때문에 글의 흐름을 상당히 방해하고 있어요. 또한 주제문과 관련하지 않은 부차적인 이유 제시들이 대부분입니다.
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