There might be some people who believe that having meals with their families is unimportant these days. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. (‘나는 ~~~이라고 생각한다’고 글쓴이의 주장을 명확하면 더 좋습니다.) First, families can strengthen bonds by sharing meals. Second, parents can educate their children about courtesy and proper manners at table.
First, family bounding bond can be enhanced by having meals together. Family bounding bond among families has become weaker than in the past. This results in serious unhappiness of people. According to research done by JYP (약어를 쓸 때에는 먼저 한 번은 풀어서 써야 합니다.) Research Institution, 80% of respondents who answered they are happy also said that they always have time to eat dinner with their families at least twice a week. This clearly shows that improving family bounding bond can be achieved by spending time eating meals with family. Also, it helps people feel happiness.
Second, table manners can be taught by parents while they have meals together. Children who don't do not have proper manners make others uncomfortable when eating together. Having meals together is a good chance for children to learn courtesy for children. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. I have been at my close friend's house as a guest for his 30th birthday party. After the party was over, we had a dinner together with his child. However, the child messed up the table with by throwing foods. At that moment, I got angry with that, so I couldn't could not eat anything with the mood. If the child had learned table manners, I could have a nice dinner with them.
In conclusion, having meals with families not only gives a chance to develope family bounding, but also can teach children about table manners. For these reasons, I strongly believe that having meals together is important for families.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (21-25)
주장을 뒷받침하기 위한 두 point를 잘 정하고 설명했습니다.
다만 문법과 표현 면에서 부족하거나 어색한 부분이 많습니다.
명사의 단복수 및 관사(a/an/the/무관사)의 사용에 주의하세요.
단어의 의미를 정확하게 파악해서 사용하세요. bounding은 사람 사이의 친밀한 관계를 의미하지 않습니다.
TOEFL 글쓰기는 academic writing skill을 평가하는 시험입니다. 따라서 축약형 등 비격식체와 구어체를 피하고 정확한 영어를 사용해야 합니다.